jesouhaite47

Title: Labor of Love
Author: JeSouhaite
Rating: Adult
Summary: A post-S5 fic...with a twist.
Disclaimer: Wait, let me check. Nope. Still not mine.
Author's Note: This is my Lukesmut Ficathon story, written for spy_barbie and Xenrielle. Since we didn't have an even number of authors, and they both requested similar things, I've incorporated both requests into a single fic. You can find their specific requests at the end of chapter three. Yes, I said chapter three. I'll be posting a chapter each day, mostly because I'm still editing chapters two and three. And don't worry, there will be smut.

There are not enough thanks in the world for my fabulous betas: sosmitten23, thestickywicket, and em_meredith. They put up with multiple drafts, my neurotic tendencies, and much whining along the way. Their encouragement and support made all the difference in the world.

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Chapter One – Sticks and Stones

As long as he can remember, he's worked with his hands. He started out just helping his dad. Bill Danes was always fixing or building something, and where Bill went, Luke was never far behind. It was just one of the many things that father taught son.

As Luke got older, he realized he wasn't doing it only to spend time with his dad. Working with his hands was simply something he enjoyed. He loved creating things, feeling the wood take shape under his hands, the sense of accomplishment when he finished a project. After a while, he realized that fixing things, taking something broken and making it new again, could give him the same sense of satisfaction.

He's not sure exactly when he started doing work around Lorelai's house. Was it when he rebuilt her porch railing? When he reconstructed the coffee table after Lorelai and Rory's ill-fated attempt to recreate some dance scene from The Breakfast Club? The timeline isn't clear in his mind. In the long run, it doesn't really matter. The important thing is that he's able to help. He's always gotten a sense of satisfaction out of building things, but doing work around Lorelai's house gives him something else. He cares about Lorelai. He's always cared about Lorelai. But fate and life and fear have conspired and he's never been able to say the words out loud. Fixing things for her has become a way, the safe way, to show her how much he cares.


~*~*~*~*~


June 2005

Luke was behind the counter, cleaning up after the lunch rush, when Lorelai blew into the diner. As she approached, he noticed the anxious expression on her face immediately.

"Lorelai?"

She leaned across the counter to give him a kiss, and he could tell she was trying to keep her voice from betraying her stress. She failed. "Hey, diner man. Do you have a minute?"

"Sure. Is everything okay?" Lorelai was always a bundle of energy, but she was fidgeting in a way he'd never seen before. Nervous energy radiated from her in waves, and it was starting to worry him.

"Can we go upstairs?"

"Of course." He stuck his head into the kitchen and called "Cesar, I'll be right back," before following Lorelai up the stairs and into his apartment.

He wracked his brain, trying to figure out what was going on – what had made Lorelai so edgy. It had been two weeks since her impromptu proposal. Two weeks since he told her he most definitely wanted to spend his life with her, but he didn't want them to get engaged under those circumstances. The situation with Rory had left her upset, and rightly so, and he didn't want her memories of their engagement clouded with pain over what had happened with her family. He thought she understood what he was trying to say, but uncertainty seemed to hang in the air between them. Luke wondered if Lorelai had decided it was time to resolve things.

As he closed the door behind them, she said "We need to talk."

Oh, if there were ever four words that strike terror in the heart of man, they would be we need to talk. Luke hated those words. If Lorelai's tension had made him start to worry, her words almost threw him into full-blown panic. He told himself that he was being ridiculous, and if Lorelai needed to talk, then, "Okay. Let's talk."

She started to pace and Luke braced himself for whatever was coming. No good conversation ever started with we need to talk.

"I don't want you to freak out. I mean, I'm freaking out a little, but there's really no reason to freak out. And I'm trying to think of the best way to say this to minimize any freak out potential for both of us."

Shit. There was that panic again. He was starting to lose the battle to fight it back, but he managed to keep his voice even. "Lorelai, whatever it is just say it."

She stopped her pacing to face him. "So the thing is I'm late." She said it all in a rush, the words tumbling out of her mouth almost on top of each other.

Luke glanced at the clock. "Late? Late for what?"

"Late for dinner!" Exasperated, Lorelai threw her hands in the air. "Luke! I'm laaaate."

When realization dawned, he felt all the blood drain from his face and a strange tingling in his fingertips. Leaning back against the kitchen table, he attempted to regain his bearings. He tried to respond, because obviously he needed to say something, but he couldn't form the words.

Apparently misinterpreting his silence as lack of understanding, Lorelai said it plainly. "Luke, my period is late."

"No. I know. I mean…I understand. It's just …I mean …How?" He stammered, relieved to have found his voice, but so flustered he'd lost the ability to form sentences.

"If I have to tell you how, we obviously haven't been doing it right." Lorelai was trying to keep things light, but he could see the tension in the set of her shoulders.

"No. Lorelai." He took a deep breath, then blew it out. "Can we start over? Your period is late. How late?"

Lorelai started pacing again. "A week. And my period is never late. You know that. Good old Aunt Flow arrives every month, just like clockwork. Except this month she's decided to take the scenic route but didn't call to let anyone know she wouldn't be here on time. And I didn't even notice. What with…everything that's been going on, I've been distracted, and –"

"Lorelai," Luke interrupted. "Focus. And stop pacing. You're making me dizzy." He walked over to her, grabbed her hand and led her to sit next to him on the couch. "So, a week. Have you, you know, taken one of those test thingys?"

Lorelai snickered. "Test thingys? You mean a pregnancy test?"

"Yes, a pregnancy test."

"No. I just realized. I was at the inn booking a reservation and the date suddenly dawned on me. And then I freaked out and rushed over here so you could share in the freaking."

"Wait. I'm confused. We talked about this, after the party in New York and the whole apple situation. But you said it was just a scare."

"It was just a scare. I mean, I got my period. At least I thought it was my period. It was early and it was really, really light but I didn't think much of it. But I am definitely late now, and here I am, with the freaking…"

Luke let go of her hand to gently stroke her back. He tried to keep his voice calm — there was no need for both of them to lose it. "Stop freaking. There's no need for freaking. So you don't know for sure yet that you're…you know…"

"Pregnant, Luke. The word is pregnant."

"I know the word, Lorelai." Luke said dryly. "You don't know for sure yet that you're pregnant. Right?"

"No." He wished he could tell what Lorelai was thinking. She was obviously tense, and possibly a little scared. Maybe if he knew how she felt, it would help him get past his own numbing shock.

"Then why don't we hold off on the freaking until we know for sure? You can take a test and we'll go from there."

"A test? How am I supposed to buy a pregnancy test in Stars Hollow? It will be on the front page of the Gazette by morning."

Fucking small town gossip mongers. He had to stop himself from ranting about Miss Patty and her cronies, knowing that Lorelai wasn't exaggerating. "We won't buy it here. We'll go to Hartford."

"We can't go to Hartford, because you know that wherever we go to buy it, Emily will show up. That would be just my luck. 'Oh, hello, Lorelai. What is that you're buying?' I can just hear my mother now. No, Hartford is definitely out."

"Do you really think you’re going to run into your mother at a Walgreens or CVS?"

She rolled her eyes. "That is so not the point, Luke."

"Litchfield?" Before the word was all the way out of his mouth, Luke kicked himself for the suggestion, knowing that Lorelai would always associate Litchfield with Nicole.

Lorelai didn't say a word, but the withering glare she shot him spoke volumes.

"Woodbury it is. Let's go." Luke stood up, patting his pockets to make sure he had his keys and wallet.

Lorelai followed slowly. "Luke, you don't have to go. What about the diner?"

"Lane comes in at three. She and Cesar can handle things."

"It's really not necessary. I can drive myself," Lorelai protested weakly, and Luke suspected that she really did want him to go.

"Don't argue. I’m going. Grab your purse."

They spent the ride to Woodbury mostly in silence. Lorelai stared pensively out the passenger window of the truck, her usual chatter absent. Luke wasn't sure he knew the right thing to say, didn't know that there was a right thing to say, so he kept quiet. He was trying to stay calm for Lorelai; she didn't need him flipping out and adding to her stress. But inside, oh inside, he was churning. He was having trouble forming complete thoughts. He just kept spinning words round and round in his mind – Lorelai, baby, pregnant. He reached over and squeezed her hand, and she rewarded him with a small smile before turning back to the window. He was glad when she laced their fingers together, holding on until he had to let go to shift. He tried to shut out the thoughts, focusing on the road and the feel of Lorelai's hand in his.

When they reached the CVS in Woodbury, Luke unbuckled his seat belt and reached for the handle to open his door. Lorelai stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Babe, you have no idea how much I appreciate your 'we're in this together' attitude, but you don't have to come in with me. You can't even say the word 'tampon.' I don't expect you to buy a pregnancy test with me."

There wasn't anything Luke wanted to do less at that moment than walk into that drug store. "Are you sure? Because I will."

"I can handle it. But it means a lot that you're willing." She leaned across the seat to give him a quick kiss before setting off on her mission.

While he waited, Luke's thoughts became even more chaotic. Before, he'd been able to concentrate on driving, but now he didn't even have that. A baby. Holy shit, a baby. It seemed like he couldn't settle on a single emotion. Scared, nervous, numb – they all were making appearances. Before he could even begin to sort out the jumble, Lorelai had returned and they were heading back to Stars Hollow.

As they walked back into his apartment, Luke felt like his stomach was firmly lodged somewhere in the vicinity of his throat. "So, do you know how…?" Luke said, gesturing in the direction of the box.

Lorelai had already opened the package and was pulling out the instructions. "Oh. Yeah. It seems pretty simple. Just pee on the stick and wait three minutes. Plus is positive, minus is negative. Wow. This is a lot simpler than it was twenty years ago. I remember cups and tubes and eyedropper things."

"That sounds…messy."

"You have no idea. Imagine trying to deal with it in the second floor girls' bathroom between homeroom and French."

Luke chuckled, so impressed with this woman and the girl she had been. He wanted to tell her how amazing she was, but he knew she was trying to ease the tension so he stifled the urge. "Do you want to do it now? Or do you want to wait? Because either way –"

"I might as well get it over with," Lorelai interrupted. "No time like the present and all that." Lorelai started to move toward the bathroom, but Luke stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder, turning her around and pulling her to him. She returned the hug, burying her face in his neck and pressing her hands flat against his back. The contact steadied him like nothing else could.

After a moment, Luke pulled back and put a hand on either side of Lorelai's face, tilting her chin up so she could meet his eyes. "I just want to say, whatever happens, it's gonna be okay."

She responded with a weak smile and a slight nod before turning and heading into the bathroom.

The minutes she spent in the bathroom crept by like hours. Luke had no idea what to do with himself while he waited. He sat down on the edge of the bed, but shot back up immediately, too anxious to sit still. He went to the refrigerator to get a beer, but he didn't really want a beer. He finally settled on pacing. From the fridge, around the kitchen table, to the coffee table and back. He forced himself not to think, not to spin possibilities in his mind, instead counting his steps and the laps around his apartment. After his tenth circuit, Lorelai emerged from the bathroom.

"And now we wait," she said, perching on the edge of the bed.

Luke sat down beside her, unconsciously jostling his leg until she put her hand on his thigh to stop him. He glanced up and smiled in apology, then reached down to take her hand in his. They sat side by side, not looking at each other, the silence stretching long and taut like a tightrope.

"Lorelai, if –"

"Luke? Can we not play 'what if'?" Her voice was soft, with just the slightest tremor. "Is that okay? Because I'd rather just wait until we know instead of going down roads that we might not need to."

They needed to talk about this. He needed to talk about this. Maybe if he said it out loud, he could face those possibilities he'd been trying so hard to avoid thinking about. "But –"

"Really, it's just a few minutes. Can we please just wait?"

Luke could hear the strain in her voice, and as much as he thought they needed to have the conversation, he wasn't willing to push. "Okay. We can wait."

They fell silent again, lost in their own thoughts until Lorelai glanced at her watch and said, "I think it's been three minutes."

Neither moved.

Luke spoke first. "Do you want me to go get it?"

"Them. There were two in the box and I took them both."

"Them, then. Do you want me to?"

"If we want to find out the results, you probably should." She offered a rueful smile. "I'm telling my legs to move but they're not cooperating."

After a quick trip into the bathroom, Luke returned to his spot next to Lorelai. She took the sticks from him and huffed out a humorless laugh. "Why is it that these are the only tests I ever pass?"

Luke's stomach had returned to its rightful place, but now it felt like a thousand butterflies were trying to escape. "I take it the big plus signs mean they're positive."

"Got it in one." The nervous energy was back, and Lorelai stood and began to pace again. "What are we going to do?"

"What do you mean, 'what are we going to do'? You're pregnant. We're having a baby. The options here are somewhat limited." Luke stood, resisting the urge to do some pacing of his own.

The broken look on Lorelai's face was almost more than he could bear. "Luke, this changes everything."

That sentence, delivered so softly, stopped him cold. "What are you talking about?"

"Just what I said – this changes everything. I'm not sure how we go forward from here."

"How we go forward? We just go forward." He didn't like the way this was going, but he had no idea what to say to make everything okay.

Her voice was shaking, and Luke could hear the panic rising as she spoke. "How am I going to handle this? I mean, I've done such a bang-up job of raising the first kid straight into a life of crime. And now I have the inn, and Sookie has Davy and the baby so how on earth am I going to take maternity leave? And what am I going to do about day care? Not to mention that there is absolutely no space in my house for a baby. I can't put it in Rory's room. She might prefer living with her grandparents, but that's her room. I can't just say 'Sorry, hon, you've been uprooted by your baby brother or sister. Guess it's a good thing you've got the pool house.' And oh my God, how am I going to tell my parents that, once again, their only daughter is going to be an unwed mother?"

"Lorelai, stop,” he said, frustrated that her laundry list of concerns assumed no role for him. “You’re not alone in this. We'll work it out. We're going to do what we need to do for this baby."

"Like get married?" The bitterness in Lorelai's tone was a shock to Luke, and he wasn't sure where it came from.

"Of course!"

"Of course? There's no of course about it! We can't get married just because I'm pregnant."

That was the final straw for Luke. He'd been covering his inner turmoil with a calm façade, but Lorelai's statement snapped the thin leash he had on his emotions. "What? Did you or did you not ask me to marry you two weeks ago?"

"If I recall correctly, you didn't give me an answer." Lorelai's had apparently decided to channel her panic into anger, and was matching his heated tone. They both seemed to unconsciously keep their voices low to avoid being overheard in the diner.

"I didn't say no."

"But you didn't say yes either!"

"You know why, Lorelai."

"Do I?"

"I didn't want you to propose because you were upset about Rory! Why are you doing this? I know you're scared. I'm scared too. But I don't understand why you're pushing me away!" He had no idea how this conversation had spun so far out of control, and he was desperately trying to figure out how to get it back on track.

"All I know is that I asked you to marry me, and you didn't say no, but you very clearly did not say yes. Now, all of a sudden I'm pregnant and we 'need to do the right thing' and get married. That's a great reason for you to finally decide you want to marry me." Lorelai's voice had risen until she was nearly shouting. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I don't want it to be like this!" As her words echoed in the room, Luke saw her anger deflate, leaving her standing there looking numb.

"Lorelai –"

"We can finish this later. I need some air." She grabbed her purse and started to walk toward the door, her emotionless tone unnerving him more than her shouting had.

"Lorelai, don't leave like this."

"I can't do this right now, Luke. I just need some time." The quiet snick of the door closing behind her sounded as loud as a gunshot in the quiet apartment.

Luke knew that stopping her or going after her would do no good. If Lorelai said she needed time, then nothing would be resolved until she was ready. The knowledge did nothing to assuage his frustration at her leaving.

"Damn it!" He wanted to punch something, needed to do something, but his shoulders slumped under the knowledge that all he could do was wait. Luke forced himself not to pace, taking deep breaths until his anger was under control. He walked over to the couch and sat down heavily. Leaning his head back, he rubbed both hands over his face, trying to make sense of the last few hours and his chaotic emotions.

He'd barely had time to process the fact that the tests were positive before Lorelai completely melted down. In the aftermath, it was finally starting to sink in. Lorelai was pregnant. Lorelai was pregnant. With his baby. They were going to be parents. He was going to have a baby. With Lorelai. As those thoughts registered, Luke tried to sort out his reaction to this new reality. He was scared shitless. Of course he was. But underneath the fear, he was...happy.

In the year since he first kissed Lorelai on the porch of the Dragonfly, Luke had come to terms with the future he envisioned. It hadn't taken long for him to realize that he wanted the whole package that Lorelai had talked about. He wanted to build a life with her. He wanted to build a family with her. But he had no idea if that was what she wanted. Yes, she’d asked him to marry her, but did she really mean it? And what about beyond the getting married part? Before the decision was made for her, was she thinking of having more kids? Once she calmed down, would she be happy about the baby? He had no idea, and it was her reaction to her pregnancy that worried him the most. He was terrified that she would resent him for putting her in this position, facing an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy once again.

Luke lost track of time as he sat on his couch, staring at the ceiling, processing everything he was thinking and everything Lorelai had said. He could tell the light was changing as it neared evening, but he had no idea how much time had passed before he heard the door to the apartment open quietly. His head snapped up to see Lorelai standing uncertainly in the partially open doorway.

"Can I come in?" she asked hesitantly.

"Of course. Are you okay?"

She walked over and took a seat beside him on the couch. "Yeah. I'm sorry for the wigging. You didn't deserve that."

"I can take it. I just want to make sure you're all right."

"I'm fine. Well, not fine. I'm scared out of my mind, but I'm calmer. I think you just got your first introduction to the raging hormones of pregnancy." She offered him a small smile, and he reached out to take her hand in his, needing the contact to calm him. "I took a walk, cleared my head a little."

He didn't respond, just stroked the back of her hand with his thumb while he waited for her to gather her thoughts.

Lorelai looked down at her lap, playing with a loose thread on her skirt as she quietly spoke. "The thing is, I was going to do it right this time. And I can't help but thinking that, once again, I'm screwing everything up."

"You're not screwing anything up. Granted, the timing could have been a little better, but nothing is screwed up."

"Are you saying you're not upset about the baby?" Lorelai asked, sounding surprised and hopeful at the same time.

"Upset? No, I'm not upset. Like I said, the timing could have been better. And you're not the only one who's scared. I know absolutely nothing about babies." Luke had been forcing himself to stay calm during Lorelai's panic earlier. But now that she was here, calm and willing to talk, his fear and uncertainty were starting to bubble to the surface.

Lorelai's tone was reassuring as she twined their fingers together. "You'll learn. If I can do it at sixteen, anyone can."

"I think you're selling yourself a little short, there. But we've never talked about…you know… the future… babies." He spoke uncertainly, not sure how to even bring up the subject.

"I always thought it would be nice to have another kid. Someday. I just assumed that the very idea of kids would make you run screaming in the other direction."

"You did?" He wasn't sure why, but the fact that she assumed that about him stung a little. "It's not like I've ever actively thought 'I wish I had a kid right now' but I always thought it would be nice. Someday."

“Really?” She looked encouraged as he nodded, but then snorted, “You know, Cool Hand, what we have here is a failure to communicate. We've been on the same page all along and didn't even know it."

"Well, we're talking now." Relief flooded through Luke. As much as he preferred to let his actions speak for him, he was starting to realize the value of actually talking things out. "Although I have no idea what to say."

"You're doing fine," she reassured him.

"Lorelai, it is going to be okay. Those things you said earlier? You can handle this. I know you. You can handle anything. We'll figure it out, day care, and a room for the baby, and all the rest. You own the inn. If you can work as a maid with a toddler in tow, you can certainly handle this. You were working on the bottom rung of the ladder and raised an amazing kid on your own. Now you're the boss and you're not alone this time. It's not like I won't do my fair share."

"You're right. I mean, if I can raise Rory in a single room in a converted tool shed, I can certainly find space in my house for a baby."

"Of course you can. And you're feeling okay? Physically, I mean?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll have to make a doctor's appointment, but I feel okay."

"Good." Luke smiled before turning serious again. Taking a breath to brace himself, he asked the question that he'd been avoiding. "So where does that leave us?"

Lorelai was silent a long moment and looked back down at her lap before she spoke again. "Luke…it's just…I didn't want to have to get married." She looked up at him, disappointment etched in her features. "I don't want you to want to marry me just because I'm pregnant."

He knew what it cost her to admit that, and he gave her a measured look before standing up and walking over to his safe.

"Luke? What are you..."

He didn't answer, just opened the safe and reached in the back to pull out an old cigar box that was hidden under a pile of files. Closing the safe again, he returned to sit next to Lorelai on the couch, setting the cigar box on her lap.

Her expression puzzled, she asked "What is this?"

The butterflies were back in full force, but he did his best to ignore them, tapping his fingers on the top of the box. "Why don't you open it and find out?"

Slowly, she lifted the cover to reveal another box inside. A small, black, velvet box. Lorelai gasped and her eyes flew to his again. "Luke?"

Luke reached in and picked up the smaller box, opening it to reveal an engagement ring – a princess cut diamond in an engraved platinum band. "I bought this in March, after we got back together. I knew then, Lorelai. I've known for a long time. You're it for me. I don't want to marry you because you're pregnant. I want to marry you because I love you and I can't imagine my life without you."

Lorelai's eyes filled and she brought a shaking hand to her mouth. "Oh my God."

"Is that a yes?"

"Luke…" Lorelai let out a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob. It took her a moment to find her voice. Looking into his eyes she smiled and said, "I asked you first."

Luke took the ring out of the box and picked up Lorelai's left hand. His hands were shaking as he slipped the ring on her finger. "Then I guess this is me saying yes."

Lorelai looked from the ring on her finger to Luke and back to the ring, her mouth forming soundless words as she did so. He watched Lorelai with a little amusement, knowing it would be a long time before he would see her speechless again. Finally, she gave up trying to say anything and launched herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as he pulled her to him in a tight embrace.

He could feel her swallowing against his shoulder and on a shaky breath she said, "I love you. So much."

Luke released the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, pulling her to rest in his lap and burying his face against her shoulder. His eyes stung and his throat felt tight as emotions swamped him. She loved him. She was going to marry him and have his baby. Luke felt as if he was going to break open, like his body just wasn't big enough to hold this much happiness. "Say that one more time."

"I love you."

And then Lorelai was kissing him, slow and deep and he never wanted to stop. When they finally broke apart, Luke smiled into her eyes. "Do you like the ring?"

She lifted her hand from its resting place on his neck, tilting it this way and that to catch the light. "I love the ring. It's perfect. It's exactly what I would have picked out for myself."

"Liz helped," he confessed. "But I'm glad you like it." He rested his forehead against hers, savoring the moment before kissing her again. He couldn't get enough of her mouth, kissing her deeply as his hands roamed her back. Long before he was ready to break the kiss, Lorelai pulled back. Climbing out of his lap, she took his hand, pulled him off the couch and started to lead him to the bed.

"Lorelai, wait." Luke stopped her, swallowing thickly as she turned to him with a questioning look. "Shouldn't we, you know, talk?" Talking was the last thing he wanted to do at that moment, but there were so many things they'd left unresolved.

Lorelai walked back to him and put her hands on his chest, toying with the buttons on his shirt. "I know there's a whole lot we have to figure out, but we have time. We don't have to decide everything tonight. Right now, I just want to enjoy this. I want to make love with my fiancé. All the other stuff will still be there tomorrow. Can we just take tonight to celebrate?"

"How on earth am I supposed to say no to that?" he replied, before picking her up and carrying her to his bed.

They'd made love hundreds of times, but Luke was sure it had never been like this. It was passion and tenderness and coming home and every stupid cliché he'd ever read about. He felt like he couldn't get close enough; kiss her deeply enough as he moved inside her. Emotion clogged his throat, and Lorelai looked up at him with eyes that told him she was feeling the same way. As she arched beneath him and called his name, Luke caught her tears with his thumbs before burying his face in her hair and throwing himself over the edge after her.

After, they lay entwined as their bodies cooled. His breathing still hadn't returned to normal when Lorelai suddenly picked her head up from its resting place on his chest to look at him.

"Wait. March? You've had it since March? What the hell were you waiting for?"

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AN: Lorelai's ring