posted by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jesouhaite47 at 09:55pm on 10/07/2005 under lukesmut
jesouhaite47 at 09:55pm on 10/07/2005 under lukesmutTitle: Labor of Love
Author: JeSouhaite
Rating: Adult
Summary: A post-S5 fic...with a twist.
Disclaimer: Wait, let me check. Nope. Still not mine.
Author's Note: This is my Lukesmut Ficathon story, written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
spy_barbie and xenrielle.
Thanks so much to everyone who has left such kind reviews. They've made my week!
When she sent me back her final beta notes,sosmitten23 included some snippets from e-mails I sent while I was bouncing ideas for this story around. I was seriously doubting my ability to take the idea and execute it. Without her constant encouragement, and a lot of cheerleading from em_meredith and thestickywicket, I don't think I could have. I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but I seriously have the best betas in the world.
Chapter Three – Boats and Babies
He swears the boat is mocking him from its post outside the diner. Every glimpse brings a stab of pain about Lorelai. He thinks that maybe it would have been better if she had let Mrs. Thompson get rid of it. At least then he wouldn't have the constant reminder of how badly things had ended.
That's not true – he's glad she saved the boat. More than that, he's grateful to her for knowing that it represented the last connection he had to his dad, and for making sure he didn't lose that connection. Working on the boat over the past few months has brought him a peace he never expected to feel. He'll always miss Bill Danes. He's missed him every day of the past fifteen years. But, in finishing the boat his father started, he's begun to heal; to repair the crack in his heart made by his father's death. Just in time for him to create another crack, walking away from the only woman with whom he could picture forever.
Striding out to the street where the boat is parked, he runs his hands over it, finding comfort in the feel of the warm wood under his hand. He wishes his dad were here. He often does that, wishes for his dad, wanting to ask his advice. But now the need is almost desperate. He thinks that maybe his dad would be able to tell him how in the hell he's supposed to deal with this. He loves Lorelai and he lost her. He's not entirely sure he'll ever heal from that.
~*~*~*~*~
October 2005
The honeymoon was definitely over.
Not their actual honeymoon, of course. That pleasurable five-day excursion to Las Vegas had ended months ago. Yes, Luke Danes had willingly gone to Las Vegas. He figured after needling Lorelai about eloping there, it was the least he could do. She'd loved it, just as he'd known she would. The bawdy, raucous, vibrant town suited Lorelai's personality perfectly. Luke, surprisingly, hadn't hated it. Besides, as he assumed when he was making the plans for their trip, they hadn't spent all that much time outside their hotel room.
No, it was the metaphorical honeymoon that had ended. Luke knew it had to happen eventually, but they'd only been married three months. He'd thought it would take longer than that.
Luke was spending the afternoon mudding drywall in the baby's room. Almost as soon as they returned from their honeymoon, they'd started figuring out how to make space in the house for their new addition. After much discussion – okay, arguing – Luke and Lorelai had finally agreed that the best plan was to convert the side porch facing Babette’s house into a small bedroom. It wasn't ideal, the room would be small and a little far from their bedroom, but it was the most practical solution.
Luke hated mudding drywall. It was a tedious job and it gave him too much damn time to think. Too much time to worry.
He loved being married. He loved being married to Lorelai . She still drove him insane half the time, but he wouldn't trade it for the world. He loved waking up next to her in the morning and coming home to her at night. He loved seeing his toothbrush next to hers in the bathroom. They'd had to make their share of compromises as they adjusted to blending their very independent lives, but if coerced, Luke would even admit to loving their on-going squabbles over closet space. Their relationship had been defined by a certain amount of bickering for so long, it was comforting to know that no matter how their relationship changed, some things remained the same.
Lorelai seemed to enjoy married life as well. He'd thought she was happy, but overhearing a conversation she'd had with Rory gave him proof. It was about six weeks ago, and Rory was spending the night in Stars Hollow as she and Lorelai worked to slowly repair their fractured relationship. Luke had gone to bed early, but woke around midnight to hear Lorelai and Rory talking over the muted sounds of a movie. He wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but once he heard his name, he couldn't help himself. Rory had asked if it was weird living with a man, and Lorelai answered in the affirmative. But she'd gone on to say that, even with all the 'weird boy stuff,' being married to Luke was better than she ever could have imagined. That was why he was so baffled over her recent behavior.
There wasn't any one thing he could point out and say 'that's what changed.' Rather, it was dozens of small things that, together, made him think something was wrong. Lorelai could talk the ear off...well, anything. The woman was always rattling on about something. Recently, though, she'd grown quiet. More reserved. He'd initially chalked it up to her being tired, figuring that the combination of stress at the inn and her advancing pregnancy was wearing her out.
But not only was she quieter, she was also more reserved physically. Lorelai had always been a touchy-feely person, even before they began dating. He'd often wondered if the woman had any concept of personal space. Now, it seemed, she rarely touched him at all save for a quick kiss hello or a peck goodbye. In the past month or so, he could count on the fingers of one hand the times she'd snuggled up to him on the couch, or rested a hand on his thigh while they drove. He didn't realize how much he'd come to rely on those small displays of affection until they were gone. She didn't reject it if he touched her, except to pull away before a kiss or a touch could lead to something more, but he couldn't remember the last time she had initiated physical contact. To make matters worse, she'd started sleeping with a huge pillow between them.
He hated that damn pillow.
It had appeared in their bed about a month ago. He'd greeted the sight with a raised eyebrow and a "What the hell is this?" Lorelai explained that, because of the pregnancy, she needed some additional support while she was sleeping. There was something about some nerve...thing...that made her arms hurt while she slept. Having a pillow between them apparently took the pressure off of the nerve....thing. As her belly grew, she needed something wedged under it as she slept on her side to keep the muscles from straining. Also, having a pillow between her knees helped relieve pressure on her back. So, instead of trying to deal with three separate pillows piled and wedged in different places, she'd gotten that...thing. He swore it was damn near the same size as Lorelai herself. He felt guilty for resenting the adjustments she'd needed to make as a result of her pregnancy. After all, she was carrying his baby.
But he still hated the goddamn pillow.
Luke wasn't sure if he was overreacting, but he knew that Lorelai was different, and it worried him. Thinking it was possibly pregnancy related, he'd even looked through her stupid What to Expect... books hoping to find an answer. Nothing. Of course, the simple solution would be to just talk to Lorelai. Well, simple for everyone but him. Words were not his strong suit, and he wasn't sure he would even know how to articulate his concerns to her.
His greatest worry was that Lorelai was acting so...not herself...because something was wrong with her or the baby and she hadn’t told him. Thankfully, that morning's six-month checkup had allayed his fears. Jeez, those appointments made him uncomfortable. But Lorelai seemed to want him there, and he knew that he wouldn't be satisfied until he'd heard from the doctor's mouth that both Lorelai and the baby were okay. Both had been given a clean bill of health that morning.
Which led Luke right back to where he'd started, utterly confused and still mudding the stupid drywall.
The only possible explanation he could come up with was that he'd done something wrong. That he'd somehow upset her and she just wasn't telling him. He wracked his brain, trying to think of what he could have done or said. His train of thought was, thankfully, interrupted when he heard the front door open and close, then another door close.
"Lorelai?" he called.
"Hang on. Gotta pee. Your son is sitting on my bladder," she called back.
His son. The reality of the baby was slowly sinking in for Luke, more so since they'd found out that they were having a boy. Referring to the baby as 'he' instead of 'it' made things much more real somehow.
As he finished applying the drywall compound to the last seam, Lorelai walked into the room. "Wow," she said, sounding impressed. "It looks like you're almost done."
"Well, with this part. Once this dries, I have to sand it all. Then tape the seams and mud over those. And you have no idea what I'm talking about. So, yeah, getting there." He stepped back and put down his tools. "And thankfully, done for the day." He walked over and gave her a kiss. "How was work?" he asked, before moving to clean things up.
"Oh, you know, the usual. Michel pissed off a guest, so I had to play apologetic owner." She patted her tummy. "Boy, does he come in handy for the sympathy factor. Then Sookie had a minor meltdown because of some mushroom issue, so I had to talk her down from the ledge. All in all, a typical day." As she talked, they moved to the kitchen so Luke could wash up.
"Are you hungry?"
Lorelai laughed. "You have to ask?"
Shrugging out of his flannel, he washed his hands and splashed water on his face. "I'll get started on dinner. Why don't you hang out here and keep me company?" He dried off and moved to the refrigerator, poking around to find what he was looking for.
"Actually, I'm pretty tired. I was thinking I might lie down while you're cooking." That strange tone was back in Lorelai's voice.
Standing up from his half-crouch in the open door of the fridge, he turned a concerned eye toward her. "Are you feeling okay?"
Lorelai looked uncomfortable, but was quick to reassure him. "Yeah. I'm fine. Just tired from lugging my fat self around all day."
His response was almost automatic. "You're not fat, you're pregnant." He was fascinated by her new shape. Other than the expanding ball of her stomach, she looked very much the same to him, even at six months pregnant. He didn't know where her fat comments were coming from. She didn't really look like she'd gained any weight except in her belly and breasts. And really, what man wouldn't appreciate the breast thing?
She just rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs, leaving Luke alone with his thoughts once more.
A few hours later, Luke was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and worrying about... the thing...with Lorelai. They'd eaten dinner and watched a movie, all with the same un-Lorelai-like behavior he'd been noticing. He'd almost brought himself to ask her about it, but each time the words seemed to die on his tongue before he could get them out.
He heard Lorelai shifting in her cocoon of pillows and turned his head to look at her. There was a full moon, and the light coming through the window was more than enough for him to see that her eyes were open.
"You're not sleeping," he said quietly.
She smirked. "Very astute. Neither are you."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. I'm just a little restless, I guess. Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I'm just thinking."
"Anything exciting?"
"No." The room fell quiet again while Luke screwed up his courage. It was going to eat him alive if he didn't talk to her. He couldn't think of how to ask, the best way to phrase it, so he finally blurted, "Are you ever going to tell me what's going on?"
Lorelai's confusion was plain. "What? What are you talking about?"
He rolled to his side to face her. "That didn't come out right. It's just...Are you...Did I...Is there something wrong?"
Lorelai gave him a patient smile. "I told you. I'm just a little restless tonight. It's getting harder for me to get comfortable, and that's making it harder for me to fall asleep."
"I'm not talking about tonight."
"Luke. Sweetie. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Help me out here." Giving him a puzzled look, she pulled back just the tiniest bit, as if trying to distance herself from the conversation.
"Lorelai..." He hesitated, hating to even put it into words. "You've been acting...I don't know... different lately."
"Different? What do you mean?"
"You just seem... It's almost like..." He had trouble finding the words, but once they started, it was almost like they flew out of his mouth of their own volition. "You're not talking to me like you usually do and you hardly ever touch me or let me touch you and then there's the damn pillow and we haven't made love in almost three weeks." Nineteen days, but who was counting?
"Is that what this is about? Sex?" Leave it to Lorelai to hone in on that one point.
"Well, partly." He was so, so bad at this. "Since we started dating, I can't remember ever going that long."
"I didn't know we were on a schedule." She sounded perturbed and more than a little defensive. "Sometimes couples do go a while without it, you know."
"I'm not saying..." Luke blew out a breath. "I just want to make sure there's nothing wrong. Did I upset you somehow and you're just not telling me?" Feeling a need to lighten the mood, he added, "Is it because I wouldn't let you get the Hello Kitty toaster?"
Lorelai's expression softened. "Luke. You haven't." She narrowed her eyes, declaring, "Although, that toaster will be mine." She grew serious again. "Really, you've been great. You're working your ass off to finish the baby's room and you're catering to my freakish cravings."
He had to laugh at that, almost dizzy with relief that he hadn't caused this by doing something stupid. "Broccoli isn't freakish."
"It is to me. Seriously, Luke, I'm not upset with you."
"Then what is it?"
Lorelai looked down, smoothing the body pillow she was holding in her arms and not meeting his eyes. He could see her slight shrug in the moonlight. "I don't know. I guess I just haven't really felt like it."
Luke reached over and tipped her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. Everything in her expression was screaming to him that she wasn't telling him the full story. "Is that it? Because if you're not in the mood, or you're too tired, or...whatever...it's all right. I just want to make sure that's all it is."
She didn't respond for a minute, just hugged her pillow closer to her chest and looked away again. "That's all it is."
Luke wasn't sure if he believed her, but there wasn't much more he could do. "Okay." He leaned over for a kiss, then rolled to lay on his back again. He was back to his original state, staring at the ceiling, trying to process the exchange when Lorelai made a sound of frustration.
"That's not all it is."
Luke turned his head to face her. "Huh?"
"I'm fat, okay?"
He didn't even think before he said it. "You're not fat, you're pregnant."
"Stop saying that!" Clearly annoyed, Lorelai continued, "I know you think it helps, but it doesn't."
"Okay. I'm sorry. Don't get mad, just talk to me." Luke rolled the rest of the way to his side facing her.
"I'm fat. And yes, I know I'm pregnant. Been there and got the puffy ankles to prove it."
"I don't know what that has to do with –"
"It has everything to do with it." Lorelai's tone was frustrated and almost sad as she went on. "I feel like a heifer, Luke. My boobs are enormous, I feel puffy and swollen all over, and this kid is obviously going to be a sumo wrestler because he and my stomach are already huge. And let's not even discuss the stretch marks. I feel so un-sexy right now. I passed Sexyville miles ago and have moved on to Hippo-opolous. I have felt like it. My God, have I felt like it. My hormones are absolutely raging, but the 'you're horny' thoughts are getting overshadowed by the 'you're a fat cow' thoughts. I don't know how you could possibly want to make love to this," she said, gesturing to herself.
Luke was stunned, and not quite sure how to respond. An insecure Lorelai was a possibility he had never imagined. "Are you kidding?"
"Do I look like I’m kidding?"
Luke scooted a little closer, resting a hand on Lorelai's side. "I'm sorry. I’m not trying to make light of what you're saying. But you're nuts."
"Luke!"
God, he hated this. He was terrible with words, and could never seem to find the right ones in situations like this. "I don't know how you could think I wouldn't want you."
"Because if I was in your shoes, I don't think you could pay me to have sex with me the way I look right now."
"What can I say to prove to you that you're damn sexy to me?"
"I don't think there's anything you could say," she responded, sounding dejected.
Luke was quiet for a moment, then reached over to drag her body pillow away and toss it to the floor.
"What are you doing?"
Luke moved closer to Lorelai, pulling her to him and kissing her soundly. "Since there's nothing I can say, I guess I need to show you."
"But –"
He stopped her with a finger on her lips. "I think you're sexy. I think you're gorgeous and desirable, and you can't walk through a room without turning me on. You don't feel sexy? That's okay." He gave her a grin. "You don't have to participate if you don't want. Just lie there and think of England."
Lorelai laughed. "You're crazy."
"What can I say? Your crazy is rubbing off on me."
Luke brought his lips to hers again, taking his time, kissing her softly until she parted her lips. He took the invitation and deepened the kiss, slowly stroking her tongue with his, moving his mouth over hers again and again. His hand stroked her side, but didn't go further. In spite of his words, he was holding himself back, waiting for her to show him that she really did want this. After a few moments, she pulled him closer, a low moan coming from deep in her throat as the kiss became more heated. Luke pulled back and brushed her hair back from her face.
On a breathless laugh, Lorelai whispered, "Big Ben. The Tower of London. Buckingham Palace."
Luke laughed with her, then grew serious. "We really don't have to –"
Lorelai stopped him with a kiss. "You're not getting out of it now, buddy."
She went to pull him back for another kiss, but Luke said, "Wait," then rolled and reached to switch on the lamp on his side of the bed.
"Do we have to have the light?" Lorelai asked plaintively.
"Yes." Luke moved back to her, helping her shift until she was reclining against a pile of pillow, half-sitting as he hovered above her.
"Luke," she said, insecurity still in her voice and uncertainty on her face. Luke tried – and failed – to remember ever seeing Lorelai insecure about her appearance.
"Shhhhh..." he soothed, leaning down to kiss her while his hand moved up to cup her breast. He rubbed his thumb over the nipple, drawing a gasp from Lorelai.
"Does that feel good?"
"Mmm hmmmm," she responded, pulling him back to her mouth with a hand behind his neck. As the kiss escalated, Luke continued to caress her through her nightshirt until he moved his hands to the buttons. Once they were all open, Luke broke the kiss and sat back, parting the fabric to reveal her body. Lorelai shifted self-consciously, but Luke was gratified that she didn't move to cover herself.
"Beautiful," he breathed, leaning over her, kissing his way down her neck and to her breasts as she pulled her arms out of the sleeves of the shirt. Cupping a breast in each hand, Luke licked a nipple into his mouth, sucking gently. Lorelai moaned, bringing a hand up to thread her fingers through his hair, holding him to her and arching into his mouth. He reveled in the feel of her skin against his face, the weight of her in his palms, the taste of her in his mouth.
Bringing his head up, he looked into her eyes. Luke was never one for talking much during sex, but he knew she needed the words. "How could I not find this sexy? My God, Lorelai. Look at you." He ran his fingers over her collarbone, traced circles over her shoulders and in the valley between her breasts before cupping them again, forcing himself to verbalize the thoughts he usually kept to himself. "I have always loved your breasts, but now..." He trailed off, rolling a nipple between his thumb and forefinger. "Now, they're so...full...lush. And so responsive." He moved his mouth back to tease her nipples, sucking and licking until she was writhing beneath him.
He shifted to his knees, settling between her legs and quickly tugging his shirt off, tossing it behind him onto the floor. Slipping his fingers under the sides of her panties, he slid them down her legs. "Leave it to you to wear sexy little underwear, even when you're pregnant. It drives me insane."
She smiled seductively, finally showing him the Lorelai he'd grown to love. "The ones that sit below my belly are more comfortable."
"I'm not complaining," Luke said, moving his hands down to caress her swollen belly. "And this. You have no idea how sexy this is. Knowing that a little piece of me stayed inside you. That you carry it around with you." He leaned down to kiss her belly, dipping his tongue into her now-shallow belly button.
As he kissed down her belly, Luke moved his hand between her legs, lightly stroking through her curls. She was wet for him, and he hummed an approving sound at finding her so aroused. As he stroked her, he was rewarded with a moan as Lorelai pulled her knees a little higher and opened to him. He kissed her inner thighs, nuzzled her curls with his nose, teasing her with indirect contact until she bucked her hips and whimpered. He offered a slow smile, and she reached up to grab the back of his head.
"Luke. Touch me," she pleaded, and he couldn’t deny her any longer. He parted her folds with his fingers, and brought his mouth to her. Lorelai almost came off the bed at the contact, and Luke brought a hand to her hip to steady her. He licked her slowly, circling round her clit, moaning his delight against her. He brought his hand to join his mouth, thrusting one then two fingers inside her as he increased the pressure of his tongue.
Lorelai gasped out a breathy chuckle. "Union jack. The Beatles. Cheerio! Oh!" The last dissolved into a gasping moan when Luke laughed against her sensitive skin.
Up, down, around. Luke knew just how she liked to be touched, just how to use his mouth and hands to bring her to a fever pitch. Lorelai's hips began to move in time with his strokes and he looked up to see her, cupping her breasts and rolling her nipples between her fingers. He thrilled at the sight of Lorelai, lost in the pleasure he brought her. He pressed his lips against her more firmly, gently sucking on her clit. Her thighs tensed and her hips arched up as she threw her head back, exploding with a strangled cry. He stayed with her, working his tongue against her, prolonging her pleasure, then slowing and gentling as he eased her down. After she calmed, he rested his cheek on her thigh and she reached down to twine her fingers with his.
She offered him a sated smile. "You're looking pretty proud of yourself there."
Luke chuckled, moving up to lie beside her, brushing her damp hair off her forehead before wrapping an arm around her. "Jesus, Lorelai. I wish you could have seen that. Not sexy? That was, without a doubt, one of the sexiest things I have ever seen in my life."
"Flattery will get you everywhere," she teased, stroking a hand over his chest and down to the waist of his boxers. "Lose these."
"Yes ma'am," he replied and sent the boxers somewhere in the vicinity of his shirt. He settled back beside her, cupping her cheek and kissing her gently. Apparently Lorelai had other ideas, deepening the kiss and reaching down to take his erection in her hand.
Luke moaned at the contact, then turned his face into the pillow as she stroked him. He could feel her breath in his hair as she wrapped her hand around the base of his cock, making long, slow strokes and occasionally caressing the head with her thumb. Luke was in ecstasy, her hand on his cock, his hand resting on her breast. His hips began to thrust into her hand almost involuntarily and he knew he couldn't take much more. Reaching down to still her hand, he lifted his head to look at her.
"Tell me what you want." His voice was raw with desire.
He was amazed that the heat in her gaze didn't burn him. "You. Inside me."
"Are you sure? Because I could come just like this." As if to prove his point, his hips gave another involuntary thrust.
"I'm sure. I'm very, very sure." She kissed him hard, pushing her tongue into his mouth and throwing her leg over his hip, showing him with her actions just how aroused she still was.
Before, they'd been able to comfortably make love on their sides or with Lorelai on her back. However, her belly had gotten significantly bigger in the last few weeks, and Luke wasn't sure of the best way to do this now. On her back was out of the question now – bad for the baby – and it was pretty obvious that on their sides wasn't going to work.
He ran a hand along her belly. "It seems we have an obstacle this time."
Lorelai's chuckle turned into an embarrassed groan. "Yeah, it's definitely getting in the way now. See? I told you I was getting –"
Luke silenced her with a finger over her lips. "Stop. It's no big deal. Just tell me how you want to do this."
"Probably the best way is from behind," she said.
"Are you sure?"
In response, she rolled over and started shifting pillows to support her stomach and upper body. Luke felt his dick twitch at the sight of her in that position – long legs, perfect ass, glistening sex. And she thinks she's not sexy? He moved behind her, running his hands over her back and down between her legs.
"Oh God, that feels good," Lorelai moaned in response.
He touched her for a few more moments, stroking her thighs and teasing her core before asking, "Ready?"
"God, yes."
He took his erection in hand and guided it to her entrance, slowly pushing into her slick heat. Fuck . She was so tight. So wet. He took his time, moving slowly until he was buried deep. He rested there, letting them both adjust to the sensation. Moving his hands to her hips, he pulled almost all of the way out before slowly pushing into her again. He did this again, then again.
Lorelai turned her head to look at him. "Luke. Please. More."
He gritted his teeth as he began to move a little faster. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. I promise," she assured him.
He kept his thrusts measured, but set a faster rhythm and was rewarded with a low moan from Lorelai. She was clenching around him with each thrust, and he was so hard he could barely stand it. Soon, Lorelai was shifting, reaching back with a hand between her legs. He could feel her fingers on the base of his cock as she touched herself, and he groaned from the additional stimulation.
Lorelai was emitting soft moans with each thrust, tossing in words occasionally. Luke and God and don't stop . Like he would. Like he could. He looked down to watch his cock sliding in and out of her. The sight was so erotic he had to close his eyes. He could feel a tightening in his belly and a tingling in his spine, but he fought back his release because he knew from the sounds she was making that Lorelai was close.
As Luke moved a hand up to stroke along her spine and down over her ass, he could feel her body starting to tense. "Come, Lorelai. Let go. Let it happen." His words seemed to do the trick, and before he knew it, she was coming hard around him, moaning loudly as her orgasm went on. He kept up his thrusts as she rode out the waves, until he couldn't hold back any more. His world had narrowed to the feel of her around him, hot and tight and wet. He opened his eyes so that he could watch, see her beautiful body taking him in again and again. One, two thrusts and he was there, exploding in a rush of heat as he ground out her name.
It took all of the strength he could muster not to collapse on top of her. Lorelai slid down and twisted a little, coming to rest on her side, and Luke did the best he could to help her before toppling next to her. She scooted toward him, the bulge of her belly resting firmly against him as he settled her snugly against his side. They lay there a moment, catching their breath, Luke idly stroking his fingers through Lorelai's hair while she hummed out a sound of contentment. Suddenly, Luke felt a jab in his side.
"What was that?"
Lorelai laughed. "I think we woke someone up."
"That was a kick? Wow." No matter how many times it happened, feeling the baby kick or move never ceased to amaze him. Something occurred to him, and he had to ask, "He's not mad at me, is he?" Luke reached down to caress her belly, getting another kick for his efforts.
"Luke," Lorelai scoffed. "He has no idea what's going on. Don't worry, he'll settle down soon."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
They quieted again, and Luke dropped a soft kiss in her hair. God, he loved this, the moments after. Holding her close, breathing in the scent of her hair, feeling her warm weight against him. He was starting to drift, thinking that he needed to turn off the light when Lorelai moved to sit up.
"Damn it," she grumbled. "Gotta pee."
She reached to put her nightshirt back on, and then padded out of the room. While she was gone, Luke straightened out the bed, gathering her pillows for her. She returned and started to lie down facing him, but Luke stopped her.
"Wait. Face the other way." She gave him a questioning look, but got into bed and arranged her pillows just so. Luke reached up to turn off the light then, pulling the covers with him, situated himself to spoon behind her. He rested his arm across her side and splayed his hand across the swell of her belly.
Reaching up to cover his hand with hers, Lorelai nestled herself into the curve of his body with a sigh. "This is nice."
"Yeah." It was. For the first time in a month, he felt utterly content.
Luke could hear Lorelai's breathing slow and start to even out, and he thought she was asleep when she spoke quietly.
"Luke?"
"Hmmm?"
She squeezed his hand. "Thank you." The words were simple, but Luke could hear the meaning behind them.
Placing a gentle kiss behind her ear, Luke whispered, "Any time."
~*~*~*~*~
December 2005
He was an ass.
A jerk. A heel. Who yells at a woman who's eight months pregnant? Who yells at a pregnant woman the week before Christmas? He asked himself silently. An ass, that's who. And you, my friend, are an ass.
He'd stormed out of the house and to the garage, which he'd converted into a small workshop –after getting rid of the atrocious decorating job, that is. Grabbing a sanding block, Luke tried to work out some of his frustration by focusing on his latest project. He was more disgusted with himself for losing his temper than he was actually mad. What the hell had he yelled about, anyway? It didn’t really matter. While it was happening, he knew he was picking a fight for no reason, but he was helpless to stop himself. That's why he'd escaped to his workshop, more to get away from himself than to get away from Lorelai. She didn't deserve to have him take his rotten mood out on her.
Over the last month he had felt himself growing tense, more on edge. It started when Lorelai had dragged him to those stupid childbirth classes. She knew he was uncomfortable, and had joked and teased him throughout the classes, trying to make him more comfortable with the movies and the strange breathing and talk about body parts that he was pretty sure he didn't want to know about. He loved her for it, but it hadn't done much to put him at ease.
For months, he'd understood that Lorelai was going to have a baby. That he and Lorelai were going to be parents. The ultrasound at twenty weeks, when he could see that there really was a tiny little person being carried around under Lorelai’s heart, had made it real. But it was real in an abstract way, if that made any sense. It was the classes, the stupid classes, that had finally driven home the reality to Luke. He was going to become a father. Soon.
The squeak of the door opening startled Luke out of his thoughts, and he rushed to throw a blanket over his workbench.
"Is it safe to enter?" Lorelai asked tentatively, poking her head in the door.
Luke turned to face her, leaning against the workbench and holding up his hands, careful to keep himself between her and his work area. "Yeah. I'm not armed." His voice sounded sheepish to his ears, which was only fitting since he felt sheepish.
"Good." She walked toward him, a steaming mug in one hand and his coat in the other. At least she didn't look angry. In fact, she looked sympathetic. "I brought you some tea and your coat. It's cold out here."
He was touched. Here he was acting like a jackass and she was making him tea. He wished he could kick his own ass. What had he done to deserve her? "Thanks." He cleared his throat, took a sip of the tea. "Look, Lorelai. I'm sorry about –"
She cut him off quickly. "It's okay."
"No, it's not. I shouldn't have yelled."
"Luke, a little yelling doesn't bother me. I don't care about that. I just want you to tell me what's wrong." Lorelai was watching him closely, a worried expression on her face.
"Huh?"
"You are not this upset because I used the last of the milk without replacing it. You've been acting weird for a while now, and I thought it would pass. But it hasn't, so I'm asking. What's wrong?"
Leave it to Lorelai to just lay it all out there. How did he tell her? How did he explain that today had been the final straw? They'd graduated from childbirth classes to how-to-take-care-of-a-newborn classes. As he struggled to put a tiny diaper on a tiny doll, he realized how utterly unprepared for all of this he was.
He was terrified. Plain and simple.
He turned away, picking up a screwdriver just to have something to do with his hands. "Lorelai, I don't know –"
She cut him off. "Yes. You do know. Now talk to me. I've tried to be patient and let you work it out, because that's how you are. You need time and space to work through things in your head. But obviously, you're not working it out. Don't make me beat it out of you. Because I will."
The thought of Lorelai, pregnant belly and all, beating anyone up was enough to get a chuckle out of him, and he relaxed a little. Tossing the screwdriver on the table, Luke walked over to sit on the bench near the side wall. He leaned forward, idly playing with his wedding ring and trying to figure out what to say as Lorelai sat down beside him. She pressed a hand between his shoulder blades, rubbing small soothing circles.
"I'm assuming it has something to do with the baby. Unless you've suddenly come to your senses and realized you don't want to be married to the crazy lady."
Luke gave her a stern look. "Don't say that. Of course I want to be married to you."
"Then, baby?"
"How did you know?" He wasn't sure why he was surprised. Lorelai had an uncanny knack for figuring out what he was thinking, sometimes before he knew himself.
"Well, it's not like I have any experience going through this whole pregnancy thing with a partner. But, from what I hear, most men tend to have some worries when faced with becoming a parent. Most women have some worries when faced with becoming a parent. Especially for the first time. Hell, I could probably write a book about it."
"That's different. You were sixteen."
"Maybe a little different, because of the circumstances, but I'm sure some of the thoughts are the same." Her voice was soft and reassuring. "It's okay to admit it if you're scared."
"Scared? Terrified is more like it. I just...Jesus, Lorelai!" He let out a frustrated breath. "I have no idea how to be a father! I've never been around a baby in my life, except for Jess when he was little and even then I didn't get too close. And speaking of Jess, my track record in the whole parenting thing is not exactly stellar. He couldn't get away from me fast enough."
"Stop. Right there." Her hand resumed the slow circles on his back, but her voice was firm and she had a 'don’t argue with me' expression on her face. "It's okay to be nervous and it's okay to be scared. But it's not okay for you to think that way. You're going to be a great father."
She sounded so sure, but he just couldn't bring himself to believe her. "How can you say that? I have no idea what I'm doing."
"No one does at first. You learn as you go and pray really hard you're not screwing up. Jess came to you pretty much finished and you still managed to be a hugely positive influence in his life. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you're going to be great at this."
He started to protest, wanting to believe her but unable to overcome his self-doubt, when she cut him off with a hand over his lips.
"Let me ask you a question. Are you going to love this baby?"
The answer to that was simple. "I already do."
"Luke, that's all any of us have when we start out. That's what makes you a good parent. The fact that you're worried about being a good dad is a sign that you'll be a good dad. All the other stuff? You'll figure it out." Lorelai gave him a soft smile, wrapping her arm around his back and squeezing. "We'll figure it out. Together. Remember way back when we found out I was pregnant? You did a really good job reminding me that I'm not alone in this. Well, neither are you."
"But –"
"No buts. Just trust me, okay?"
Knowing he could do little else, he nodded. "Okay."
She pulled him more fully into a hug. Well, a reasonable facsimile of a hug – in this position he could only get so close with the baby between them. Lorelai laughed when the baby kicked hard enough for Luke to feel it. "See? Even Junior agrees." She pulled back and looked over his shoulder. "Hey, what's that?"
Luke turned as Lorelai stood and walked toward his work area. She'd obviously spotted the blanket covered mound. "Lorelai, don't –" he started, reaching for her, but it was too late. She pulled the blanket off to reveal what he'd been working on.
With a shaky hand, she traced her fingers over the wood, then brought her eyes to his. "You made a cradle?"
Luke felt his ears heat and hoped she wouldn't see the blush on his cheeks. He wasn't quite sure what had made him decide to build the cradle. One day he was working on his dad's boat when he spotted the chuppah through the garage window. Having made the chuppah for Lorelai, it only seemed fitting to make a cradle for their baby. Besides, making something for his son made him feel closer to his dad, somehow. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he said, "Well, yeah. It was supposed to be your Christmas present, but you kind of ruined the surprise."
"I didn't ruin anything. This is perfect." Her tone was almost reverent, and Luke could see that her eyes were wet.
He shrugged, wishing it had been finished the first time she saw it. "It still needs to be painted."
Luke watched her as she took in the carvings, running her hands over the fine details in the wood. "It's beautiful," she said, turning to him with so much love in her eyes that his breath caught in his throat.
"It's no big deal."
Lorelai reached up to hold his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. "Yes. It is. And the fact that you would make your son a cradle and think it's not a big deal is exactly why you're going to make an amazing father."
~*~*~*~*~
January 2006
Luke had always hated hospitals, but after today's events, he decided they might not be so bad after all.
Around him, the hospital was quiet as the staff went through their middle of the night rituals. He was sitting in Lorelai's room, watching her sleep in the dim light from the lamp the nurse insisted stay on. It irritated him – Lorelai needed her rest and how well could she sleep with the light on? Glancing at his watch, he was surprised to find that it was three a.m. After being awake for the better part of twenty-four hours, he should have been exhausted, but was too keyed up to even think of sleeping.
After all, it wasn't every day a man became a father.
William Gilmore Danes, all seven pounds of him, had come screaming into the world at four o'clock that afternoon. Wrinkled and red, with a slightly squished head, Will was the most beautiful thing Luke had ever seen. Next to Will's mother, of course.
Lorelai had woken Luke around five in the morning, telling him that she was having contractions and they were pretty steady. It was a week before her due date, and Luke was not ready to hear those words. Although, to be honest, there probably was no such thing as being truly ready in this situation. Still, he had immediately gone into panic mode and rushed them to the hospital, only to find that there was an awful lot of waiting – and worrying and pacing – involved in the whole process of having a baby.
Rory had come and, once assured she would be seeing no body parts or body fluids, had sat with them while they waited. Luke was grateful. Rory's presence had done wonders to stop him from panicking over what was to come, and to keep Lorelai entertained. Luke wasn't quite sure how they were calm enough to play Mad Libs while Lorelai was in labor, but the two of them had managed to repeatedly crack themselves up. He just shook his head and took a walk when they broke out the Hello Kitty fashion plates.
The actual delivery was a blur in Luke's mind. He remembers holding Lorelai's hand while she pushed, trying to encourage her but so unsure of the right thing to say. He didn't even really have time to get grossed out by the whole process, because before he knew it the baby was there and Lorelai was laughing and crying and Luke could only stare at this perfect little person they had created, and the perfect woman responsible for bringing him safely into the world.
The afternoon and evening brought a pretty steady stream of visitors. Rory of course, anxious to meet her little brother. Will was so tiny she'd been scared to hold him, afraid she might hurt him. Luke was secretly glad he wasn't the only one. Liz and TJ, Sookie and Jackson. Even Emily and Richard had come to meet their newest grandchild. It was pretty clear that Lorelai and her parents might never get back to the somewhat congenial relationship they'd developed in the last few years, but it had been agreed that nothing would be served by keeping the Gilmores away. Luke wasn't sure they would ever accept him, and honestly, he didn't care. He wasn't exactly their biggest fan. But as Emily held her grandson with Richard looking on, he knew that they would at the very least love their grandson.
Luke was lost in thought when the door opened quietly. He turned his head to see one of the night nurses poking her head in.
"Mr. Danes? I was just checking to see if Mrs. Danes was awake. Julie is going to be bringing the baby down to eat in a few minutes."
"I'll wake her," he said as he rose from the recliner and moved to Lorelai's bed. He sat down on the edge of the mattress, watching her sleep for a few more moments, hating to wake her until it was absolutely necessary.
"Lorelai," he called softly, gently stroking her face.
"Uh uh."
"Lorelai, you need to wake up."
"No."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"The nurse is on her way with the baby."
At that she opened an eye. "Why didn't you say so?"
Luke just rolled his eyes and helped her adjust her pillows so that she could bring the bed to a sitting position. Lorelai grimaced as she shifted, then groaned as the bed started moving.
"Are you okay?" His tone was anxious. The stress of the day and lack of sleep were combining to make him overly worried.
She snorted. "As well as can be expected after pushing something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of a golf ball."
Luke blanched at the image. "Jeez, Lorelai."
"Sorry. I'm fine. Just sore. Very sore." She sighed as the bed stopped moving. "I hurt in places I didn't even know existed. I think my good friend the epidural is finally all the way gone."
Luke had always admired Lorelai's strength, but watching her endure labor had given him a whole new appreciation for just how strong she was. It killed him to see her in that kind of pain and know he could do nothing other than let her crush his fingers. After what seemed like days – but in reality was only a few short hours – the anesthesiologist had finally arrived and given her an epidural. Lorelai had been so grateful for the pain relief that she'd kissed the poor man right on the mouth. Luke had to admit (not that he would ever do so out loud) that he’d been tempted to kiss the man himself.
The swish of the rolling bassinet alerted them to the nurse's arrival. She wasn't even all the way in the door when Lorelai said, "Before you ask – I've peed. It works. No problems."
Luke cringed. The nurses sure seemed to be fascinated with Lorelai's bodily functions. He knew it had to do with making sure she was recovering properly, but it was still gross.
The nurse, Julie, just laughed as she stopped the bassinet and handed Lorelai her nursing pillow Booby? Boopy? Luke could never remember what the stupid thing was called. "What about your pain level? On a scale of one to ten?"
"Seven. Definitely a seven. I would have scored her higher if she hadn't stepped out on the dismount." Responding to the nurse's blank look, Lorelai continued, "Olympics? Gymnastics?" Nothing. "Never mind, just hand him over." Lorelai positively beamed as Julie handed her the baby, smiling into Will’s eyes and nuzzling his nose before turning her attention back to the nurse. "Seriously, I'm hoping that you're going to tell me I can take something stronger than Advil. If not, I'd run if I were you. And once we get the baby settled, I need more water."
Luke had to smile. Even after labor and delivery, Lorelai was still Lorelai. After she'd taken her pill, he picked up her water jug from the table. "I'll go get your water."
When Luke returned from the little family kitchenette with fresh water, the nurse was gone and Lorelai had the baby up on her shoulder, cooing to him and encouraging him to burp. He was unwrapped from his swaddle, wearing only a tiny t-shirt, diaper, and one of those silly hats that seemed to be the uniform of the day in the nursery.
"Isn't he cold?" Luke asked from where he'd stopped on the other side of Lorelai's bedside table.
"He's fine," Lorelai responded softly, bringing the baby down to her breast. "You're supposed to have as much skin to skin contact as possible in the first couple of days. Damn! This kid has a mouth like a Hoover."
Luke had started to move closer, then stopped at her exclamation, unsure. "Does it hurt?"
"Nah. Just uncomfortable when he first latches on. Hey, how come you're all the way over there?" She patted the bed next to her, on the opposite side from the baby, and Luke tentatively sat. "Is this grossing you out? I remember a certain rant-slash-freak-out over lactation in the diner."
"It's definitely weird, I guess. But after some of the things I've seen today, this is nothing."
Lorelai laughed. "You did great today, by the way. I kept expecting you to pass out, but you were a real trooper. I know how much you hate hospitals."
"Ah, they're not so bad."
The pair fell silent, the baby's quiet sucking the only sound in the room. It was so peaceful, and Luke couldn't help but be moved by the sight before him. His wife and his child. He'd felt so much in the past few months, getting engaged and married. But nothing compared to this, right now. He'd never known joy like this existed.
Lorelai smiled down at the baby and stroked his head before reaching down to rest a hand on Luke's leg. "He is just so amazing." She looked up at Luke with shining eyes. "How did we make someone who is so perfect?"
"He is amazing. You're both amazing," Luke said around the lump in his throat. He reached out and stroked a finger down the side of Will's cheek. Overcome with emotion and embarrassed to feel his eyes fill, he ducked his head so Lorelai wouldn't see. He should have known better.
"Hey." She cupped his cheek and ducked her head a bit to meet his eyes. "What's this?"
"Nothing."
"Luke," she coaxed. "Talk to me."
He swallowed and tried to find his voice, watching as he rested his big hand on Will's small head. For so long he'd thought he'd spend his life alone, and then once he and Lorelai had found their way to each other, he'd almost let it slip away. "I just...never thought I'd have this. You...a baby...a family." Pausing to take a shaky breath, he met Lorelai's eyes again. "Thank you."
"Oh, Luke." Lorelai used the hand on his cheek to bring his lips to hers before pulling his head down to rest on her shoulder. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, trying to gain some control over his emotions before he started blubbering like a little girl, while Lorelai held him to her, stroking his hair and resting her cheek on the top of his head. He wasn't sure how long they stayed long that, but the tender moment was interrupted when Will detached from Lorelai with a loud pop and a smack of his lips. Luke lifted his head and looked at Lorelai before they both burst out laughing.
"Little man, we are going to have to work on those table manners," Lorelai pretended to scold as she lifted the baby to her shoulder and patted his back. Luke noticed that her eyes had grown heavy and Lorelai yawned so widely he could hear her jaw crack.
"Wow, it's like someone flipped a switch. I can barely keep my eyes open," she said as she leaned her head back against the bed. "Can you take Will until the nurse comes back? I can't keep myself awake."
Luke had to stop himself from jamming his hands into his pockets. "Um...sure." His voice was anything but certain. He'd held Will earlier, but only for a few minutes right after he was born, and Lorelai had been right there. "What do I do with him?"
Lorelai gave Luke a sleepy smile as she handed Will over. "Here. Rest him against your shoulder, and support his head." She moved the bed back so she could lay down. "Just hold him. Talk to him."
Luke moved to the chair and as he sat down, heard a soft snore from the bed. He looked over to see Lorelai already asleep. He awkwardly patted Will's back a few times, imitating what Lorelai had done, before moving the baby down to rest in the crook of his arm. Much better. Luke felt much less awkward in this position, and besides, he wanted to be able to see his face. Will was awake, big blue eyes wide open and looking at Luke as if he could see right through him. Checking first to make sure Lorelai was still asleep, Luke leaned over to brush a soft kiss on Will's forehead, then traced his tiny features with the tip of his finger. As he ran his finger down the slope of his little nose, Will reached up and grabbed the finger reflexively. Luke marveled at the contrast of the tiny fist wrapped around his finger.
"Hey, Will." He felt a little silly at first, but Will seemed to be listening intently as he spoke, holding Luke's finger so tightly. "Happy birthday." Luke looked back over at Lorelai, then at the baby in his arms. He settled a little deeper in the chair, stroking Will's tiny hand with his thumb as he continued. "I'm your Dad. You and I have so many things to talk about..."
the end
The requests:
From spy_barbie:
Must have: Luke dealing with the idea of Lorelai pregancy. flirty!Lorelai
Could have: Rory/Logan
Shouldn't have: Sookie
From xenrielle:
Must have: Lorelai accually being pregnant
Could have: Sex
Shouldn't have: Logan
Author: JeSouhaite
Rating: Adult
Summary: A post-S5 fic...with a twist.
Disclaimer: Wait, let me check. Nope. Still not mine.
Author's Note: This is my Lukesmut Ficathon story, written for
spy_barbie and xenrielle. Thanks so much to everyone who has left such kind reviews. They've made my week!
When she sent me back her final beta notes,
sosmitten23 included some snippets from e-mails I sent while I was bouncing ideas for this story around. I was seriously doubting my ability to take the idea and execute it. Without her constant encouragement, and a lot of cheerleading from em_meredith and thestickywicket, I don't think I could have. I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but I seriously have the best betas in the world.He swears the boat is mocking him from its post outside the diner. Every glimpse brings a stab of pain about Lorelai. He thinks that maybe it would have been better if she had let Mrs. Thompson get rid of it. At least then he wouldn't have the constant reminder of how badly things had ended.
That's not true – he's glad she saved the boat. More than that, he's grateful to her for knowing that it represented the last connection he had to his dad, and for making sure he didn't lose that connection. Working on the boat over the past few months has brought him a peace he never expected to feel. He'll always miss Bill Danes. He's missed him every day of the past fifteen years. But, in finishing the boat his father started, he's begun to heal; to repair the crack in his heart made by his father's death. Just in time for him to create another crack, walking away from the only woman with whom he could picture forever.
Striding out to the street where the boat is parked, he runs his hands over it, finding comfort in the feel of the warm wood under his hand. He wishes his dad were here. He often does that, wishes for his dad, wanting to ask his advice. But now the need is almost desperate. He thinks that maybe his dad would be able to tell him how in the hell he's supposed to deal with this. He loves Lorelai and he lost her. He's not entirely sure he'll ever heal from that.
October 2005
The honeymoon was definitely over.
Not their actual honeymoon, of course. That pleasurable five-day excursion to Las Vegas had ended months ago. Yes, Luke Danes had willingly gone to Las Vegas. He figured after needling Lorelai about eloping there, it was the least he could do. She'd loved it, just as he'd known she would. The bawdy, raucous, vibrant town suited Lorelai's personality perfectly. Luke, surprisingly, hadn't hated it. Besides, as he assumed when he was making the plans for their trip, they hadn't spent all that much time outside their hotel room.
No, it was the metaphorical honeymoon that had ended. Luke knew it had to happen eventually, but they'd only been married three months. He'd thought it would take longer than that.
Luke was spending the afternoon mudding drywall in the baby's room. Almost as soon as they returned from their honeymoon, they'd started figuring out how to make space in the house for their new addition. After much discussion – okay, arguing – Luke and Lorelai had finally agreed that the best plan was to convert the side porch facing Babette’s house into a small bedroom. It wasn't ideal, the room would be small and a little far from their bedroom, but it was the most practical solution.
Luke hated mudding drywall. It was a tedious job and it gave him too much damn time to think. Too much time to worry.
He loved being married. He loved being married to Lorelai . She still drove him insane half the time, but he wouldn't trade it for the world. He loved waking up next to her in the morning and coming home to her at night. He loved seeing his toothbrush next to hers in the bathroom. They'd had to make their share of compromises as they adjusted to blending their very independent lives, but if coerced, Luke would even admit to loving their on-going squabbles over closet space. Their relationship had been defined by a certain amount of bickering for so long, it was comforting to know that no matter how their relationship changed, some things remained the same.
Lorelai seemed to enjoy married life as well. He'd thought she was happy, but overhearing a conversation she'd had with Rory gave him proof. It was about six weeks ago, and Rory was spending the night in Stars Hollow as she and Lorelai worked to slowly repair their fractured relationship. Luke had gone to bed early, but woke around midnight to hear Lorelai and Rory talking over the muted sounds of a movie. He wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but once he heard his name, he couldn't help himself. Rory had asked if it was weird living with a man, and Lorelai answered in the affirmative. But she'd gone on to say that, even with all the 'weird boy stuff,' being married to Luke was better than she ever could have imagined. That was why he was so baffled over her recent behavior.
There wasn't any one thing he could point out and say 'that's what changed.' Rather, it was dozens of small things that, together, made him think something was wrong. Lorelai could talk the ear off...well, anything. The woman was always rattling on about something. Recently, though, she'd grown quiet. More reserved. He'd initially chalked it up to her being tired, figuring that the combination of stress at the inn and her advancing pregnancy was wearing her out.
But not only was she quieter, she was also more reserved physically. Lorelai had always been a touchy-feely person, even before they began dating. He'd often wondered if the woman had any concept of personal space. Now, it seemed, she rarely touched him at all save for a quick kiss hello or a peck goodbye. In the past month or so, he could count on the fingers of one hand the times she'd snuggled up to him on the couch, or rested a hand on his thigh while they drove. He didn't realize how much he'd come to rely on those small displays of affection until they were gone. She didn't reject it if he touched her, except to pull away before a kiss or a touch could lead to something more, but he couldn't remember the last time she had initiated physical contact. To make matters worse, she'd started sleeping with a huge pillow between them.
He hated that damn pillow.
It had appeared in their bed about a month ago. He'd greeted the sight with a raised eyebrow and a "What the hell is this?" Lorelai explained that, because of the pregnancy, she needed some additional support while she was sleeping. There was something about some nerve...thing...that made her arms hurt while she slept. Having a pillow between them apparently took the pressure off of the nerve....thing. As her belly grew, she needed something wedged under it as she slept on her side to keep the muscles from straining. Also, having a pillow between her knees helped relieve pressure on her back. So, instead of trying to deal with three separate pillows piled and wedged in different places, she'd gotten that...thing. He swore it was damn near the same size as Lorelai herself. He felt guilty for resenting the adjustments she'd needed to make as a result of her pregnancy. After all, she was carrying his baby.
But he still hated the goddamn pillow.
Luke wasn't sure if he was overreacting, but he knew that Lorelai was different, and it worried him. Thinking it was possibly pregnancy related, he'd even looked through her stupid What to Expect... books hoping to find an answer. Nothing. Of course, the simple solution would be to just talk to Lorelai. Well, simple for everyone but him. Words were not his strong suit, and he wasn't sure he would even know how to articulate his concerns to her.
His greatest worry was that Lorelai was acting so...not herself...because something was wrong with her or the baby and she hadn’t told him. Thankfully, that morning's six-month checkup had allayed his fears. Jeez, those appointments made him uncomfortable. But Lorelai seemed to want him there, and he knew that he wouldn't be satisfied until he'd heard from the doctor's mouth that both Lorelai and the baby were okay. Both had been given a clean bill of health that morning.
Which led Luke right back to where he'd started, utterly confused and still mudding the stupid drywall.
The only possible explanation he could come up with was that he'd done something wrong. That he'd somehow upset her and she just wasn't telling him. He wracked his brain, trying to think of what he could have done or said. His train of thought was, thankfully, interrupted when he heard the front door open and close, then another door close.
"Lorelai?" he called.
"Hang on. Gotta pee. Your son is sitting on my bladder," she called back.
His son. The reality of the baby was slowly sinking in for Luke, more so since they'd found out that they were having a boy. Referring to the baby as 'he' instead of 'it' made things much more real somehow.
As he finished applying the drywall compound to the last seam, Lorelai walked into the room. "Wow," she said, sounding impressed. "It looks like you're almost done."
"Well, with this part. Once this dries, I have to sand it all. Then tape the seams and mud over those. And you have no idea what I'm talking about. So, yeah, getting there." He stepped back and put down his tools. "And thankfully, done for the day." He walked over and gave her a kiss. "How was work?" he asked, before moving to clean things up.
"Oh, you know, the usual. Michel pissed off a guest, so I had to play apologetic owner." She patted her tummy. "Boy, does he come in handy for the sympathy factor. Then Sookie had a minor meltdown because of some mushroom issue, so I had to talk her down from the ledge. All in all, a typical day." As she talked, they moved to the kitchen so Luke could wash up.
"Are you hungry?"
Lorelai laughed. "You have to ask?"
Shrugging out of his flannel, he washed his hands and splashed water on his face. "I'll get started on dinner. Why don't you hang out here and keep me company?" He dried off and moved to the refrigerator, poking around to find what he was looking for.
"Actually, I'm pretty tired. I was thinking I might lie down while you're cooking." That strange tone was back in Lorelai's voice.
Standing up from his half-crouch in the open door of the fridge, he turned a concerned eye toward her. "Are you feeling okay?"
Lorelai looked uncomfortable, but was quick to reassure him. "Yeah. I'm fine. Just tired from lugging my fat self around all day."
His response was almost automatic. "You're not fat, you're pregnant." He was fascinated by her new shape. Other than the expanding ball of her stomach, she looked very much the same to him, even at six months pregnant. He didn't know where her fat comments were coming from. She didn't really look like she'd gained any weight except in her belly and breasts. And really, what man wouldn't appreciate the breast thing?
She just rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs, leaving Luke alone with his thoughts once more.
A few hours later, Luke was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and worrying about... the thing...with Lorelai. They'd eaten dinner and watched a movie, all with the same un-Lorelai-like behavior he'd been noticing. He'd almost brought himself to ask her about it, but each time the words seemed to die on his tongue before he could get them out.
He heard Lorelai shifting in her cocoon of pillows and turned his head to look at her. There was a full moon, and the light coming through the window was more than enough for him to see that her eyes were open.
"You're not sleeping," he said quietly.
She smirked. "Very astute. Neither are you."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. I'm just a little restless, I guess. Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I'm just thinking."
"Anything exciting?"
"No." The room fell quiet again while Luke screwed up his courage. It was going to eat him alive if he didn't talk to her. He couldn't think of how to ask, the best way to phrase it, so he finally blurted, "Are you ever going to tell me what's going on?"
Lorelai's confusion was plain. "What? What are you talking about?"
He rolled to his side to face her. "That didn't come out right. It's just...Are you...Did I...Is there something wrong?"
Lorelai gave him a patient smile. "I told you. I'm just a little restless tonight. It's getting harder for me to get comfortable, and that's making it harder for me to fall asleep."
"I'm not talking about tonight."
"Luke. Sweetie. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Help me out here." Giving him a puzzled look, she pulled back just the tiniest bit, as if trying to distance herself from the conversation.
"Lorelai..." He hesitated, hating to even put it into words. "You've been acting...I don't know... different lately."
"Different? What do you mean?"
"You just seem... It's almost like..." He had trouble finding the words, but once they started, it was almost like they flew out of his mouth of their own volition. "You're not talking to me like you usually do and you hardly ever touch me or let me touch you and then there's the damn pillow and we haven't made love in almost three weeks." Nineteen days, but who was counting?
"Is that what this is about? Sex?" Leave it to Lorelai to hone in on that one point.
"Well, partly." He was so, so bad at this. "Since we started dating, I can't remember ever going that long."
"I didn't know we were on a schedule." She sounded perturbed and more than a little defensive. "Sometimes couples do go a while without it, you know."
"I'm not saying..." Luke blew out a breath. "I just want to make sure there's nothing wrong. Did I upset you somehow and you're just not telling me?" Feeling a need to lighten the mood, he added, "Is it because I wouldn't let you get the Hello Kitty toaster?"
Lorelai's expression softened. "Luke. You haven't." She narrowed her eyes, declaring, "Although, that toaster will be mine." She grew serious again. "Really, you've been great. You're working your ass off to finish the baby's room and you're catering to my freakish cravings."
He had to laugh at that, almost dizzy with relief that he hadn't caused this by doing something stupid. "Broccoli isn't freakish."
"It is to me. Seriously, Luke, I'm not upset with you."
"Then what is it?"
Lorelai looked down, smoothing the body pillow she was holding in her arms and not meeting his eyes. He could see her slight shrug in the moonlight. "I don't know. I guess I just haven't really felt like it."
Luke reached over and tipped her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. Everything in her expression was screaming to him that she wasn't telling him the full story. "Is that it? Because if you're not in the mood, or you're too tired, or...whatever...it's all right. I just want to make sure that's all it is."
She didn't respond for a minute, just hugged her pillow closer to her chest and looked away again. "That's all it is."
Luke wasn't sure if he believed her, but there wasn't much more he could do. "Okay." He leaned over for a kiss, then rolled to lay on his back again. He was back to his original state, staring at the ceiling, trying to process the exchange when Lorelai made a sound of frustration.
"That's not all it is."
Luke turned his head to face her. "Huh?"
"I'm fat, okay?"
He didn't even think before he said it. "You're not fat, you're pregnant."
"Stop saying that!" Clearly annoyed, Lorelai continued, "I know you think it helps, but it doesn't."
"Okay. I'm sorry. Don't get mad, just talk to me." Luke rolled the rest of the way to his side facing her.
"I'm fat. And yes, I know I'm pregnant. Been there and got the puffy ankles to prove it."
"I don't know what that has to do with –"
"It has everything to do with it." Lorelai's tone was frustrated and almost sad as she went on. "I feel like a heifer, Luke. My boobs are enormous, I feel puffy and swollen all over, and this kid is obviously going to be a sumo wrestler because he and my stomach are already huge. And let's not even discuss the stretch marks. I feel so un-sexy right now. I passed Sexyville miles ago and have moved on to Hippo-opolous. I have felt like it. My God, have I felt like it. My hormones are absolutely raging, but the 'you're horny' thoughts are getting overshadowed by the 'you're a fat cow' thoughts. I don't know how you could possibly want to make love to this," she said, gesturing to herself.
Luke was stunned, and not quite sure how to respond. An insecure Lorelai was a possibility he had never imagined. "Are you kidding?"
"Do I look like I’m kidding?"
Luke scooted a little closer, resting a hand on Lorelai's side. "I'm sorry. I’m not trying to make light of what you're saying. But you're nuts."
"Luke!"
God, he hated this. He was terrible with words, and could never seem to find the right ones in situations like this. "I don't know how you could think I wouldn't want you."
"Because if I was in your shoes, I don't think you could pay me to have sex with me the way I look right now."
"What can I say to prove to you that you're damn sexy to me?"
"I don't think there's anything you could say," she responded, sounding dejected.
Luke was quiet for a moment, then reached over to drag her body pillow away and toss it to the floor.
"What are you doing?"
Luke moved closer to Lorelai, pulling her to him and kissing her soundly. "Since there's nothing I can say, I guess I need to show you."
"But –"
He stopped her with a finger on her lips. "I think you're sexy. I think you're gorgeous and desirable, and you can't walk through a room without turning me on. You don't feel sexy? That's okay." He gave her a grin. "You don't have to participate if you don't want. Just lie there and think of England."
Lorelai laughed. "You're crazy."
"What can I say? Your crazy is rubbing off on me."
Luke brought his lips to hers again, taking his time, kissing her softly until she parted her lips. He took the invitation and deepened the kiss, slowly stroking her tongue with his, moving his mouth over hers again and again. His hand stroked her side, but didn't go further. In spite of his words, he was holding himself back, waiting for her to show him that she really did want this. After a few moments, she pulled him closer, a low moan coming from deep in her throat as the kiss became more heated. Luke pulled back and brushed her hair back from her face.
On a breathless laugh, Lorelai whispered, "Big Ben. The Tower of London. Buckingham Palace."
Luke laughed with her, then grew serious. "We really don't have to –"
Lorelai stopped him with a kiss. "You're not getting out of it now, buddy."
She went to pull him back for another kiss, but Luke said, "Wait," then rolled and reached to switch on the lamp on his side of the bed.
"Do we have to have the light?" Lorelai asked plaintively.
"Yes." Luke moved back to her, helping her shift until she was reclining against a pile of pillow, half-sitting as he hovered above her.
"Luke," she said, insecurity still in her voice and uncertainty on her face. Luke tried – and failed – to remember ever seeing Lorelai insecure about her appearance.
"Shhhhh..." he soothed, leaning down to kiss her while his hand moved up to cup her breast. He rubbed his thumb over the nipple, drawing a gasp from Lorelai.
"Does that feel good?"
"Mmm hmmmm," she responded, pulling him back to her mouth with a hand behind his neck. As the kiss escalated, Luke continued to caress her through her nightshirt until he moved his hands to the buttons. Once they were all open, Luke broke the kiss and sat back, parting the fabric to reveal her body. Lorelai shifted self-consciously, but Luke was gratified that she didn't move to cover herself.
"Beautiful," he breathed, leaning over her, kissing his way down her neck and to her breasts as she pulled her arms out of the sleeves of the shirt. Cupping a breast in each hand, Luke licked a nipple into his mouth, sucking gently. Lorelai moaned, bringing a hand up to thread her fingers through his hair, holding him to her and arching into his mouth. He reveled in the feel of her skin against his face, the weight of her in his palms, the taste of her in his mouth.
Bringing his head up, he looked into her eyes. Luke was never one for talking much during sex, but he knew she needed the words. "How could I not find this sexy? My God, Lorelai. Look at you." He ran his fingers over her collarbone, traced circles over her shoulders and in the valley between her breasts before cupping them again, forcing himself to verbalize the thoughts he usually kept to himself. "I have always loved your breasts, but now..." He trailed off, rolling a nipple between his thumb and forefinger. "Now, they're so...full...lush. And so responsive." He moved his mouth back to tease her nipples, sucking and licking until she was writhing beneath him.
He shifted to his knees, settling between her legs and quickly tugging his shirt off, tossing it behind him onto the floor. Slipping his fingers under the sides of her panties, he slid them down her legs. "Leave it to you to wear sexy little underwear, even when you're pregnant. It drives me insane."
She smiled seductively, finally showing him the Lorelai he'd grown to love. "The ones that sit below my belly are more comfortable."
"I'm not complaining," Luke said, moving his hands down to caress her swollen belly. "And this. You have no idea how sexy this is. Knowing that a little piece of me stayed inside you. That you carry it around with you." He leaned down to kiss her belly, dipping his tongue into her now-shallow belly button.
As he kissed down her belly, Luke moved his hand between her legs, lightly stroking through her curls. She was wet for him, and he hummed an approving sound at finding her so aroused. As he stroked her, he was rewarded with a moan as Lorelai pulled her knees a little higher and opened to him. He kissed her inner thighs, nuzzled her curls with his nose, teasing her with indirect contact until she bucked her hips and whimpered. He offered a slow smile, and she reached up to grab the back of his head.
"Luke. Touch me," she pleaded, and he couldn’t deny her any longer. He parted her folds with his fingers, and brought his mouth to her. Lorelai almost came off the bed at the contact, and Luke brought a hand to her hip to steady her. He licked her slowly, circling round her clit, moaning his delight against her. He brought his hand to join his mouth, thrusting one then two fingers inside her as he increased the pressure of his tongue.
Lorelai gasped out a breathy chuckle. "Union jack. The Beatles. Cheerio! Oh!" The last dissolved into a gasping moan when Luke laughed against her sensitive skin.
Up, down, around. Luke knew just how she liked to be touched, just how to use his mouth and hands to bring her to a fever pitch. Lorelai's hips began to move in time with his strokes and he looked up to see her, cupping her breasts and rolling her nipples between her fingers. He thrilled at the sight of Lorelai, lost in the pleasure he brought her. He pressed his lips against her more firmly, gently sucking on her clit. Her thighs tensed and her hips arched up as she threw her head back, exploding with a strangled cry. He stayed with her, working his tongue against her, prolonging her pleasure, then slowing and gentling as he eased her down. After she calmed, he rested his cheek on her thigh and she reached down to twine her fingers with his.
She offered him a sated smile. "You're looking pretty proud of yourself there."
Luke chuckled, moving up to lie beside her, brushing her damp hair off her forehead before wrapping an arm around her. "Jesus, Lorelai. I wish you could have seen that. Not sexy? That was, without a doubt, one of the sexiest things I have ever seen in my life."
"Flattery will get you everywhere," she teased, stroking a hand over his chest and down to the waist of his boxers. "Lose these."
"Yes ma'am," he replied and sent the boxers somewhere in the vicinity of his shirt. He settled back beside her, cupping her cheek and kissing her gently. Apparently Lorelai had other ideas, deepening the kiss and reaching down to take his erection in her hand.
Luke moaned at the contact, then turned his face into the pillow as she stroked him. He could feel her breath in his hair as she wrapped her hand around the base of his cock, making long, slow strokes and occasionally caressing the head with her thumb. Luke was in ecstasy, her hand on his cock, his hand resting on her breast. His hips began to thrust into her hand almost involuntarily and he knew he couldn't take much more. Reaching down to still her hand, he lifted his head to look at her.
"Tell me what you want." His voice was raw with desire.
He was amazed that the heat in her gaze didn't burn him. "You. Inside me."
"Are you sure? Because I could come just like this." As if to prove his point, his hips gave another involuntary thrust.
"I'm sure. I'm very, very sure." She kissed him hard, pushing her tongue into his mouth and throwing her leg over his hip, showing him with her actions just how aroused she still was.
Before, they'd been able to comfortably make love on their sides or with Lorelai on her back. However, her belly had gotten significantly bigger in the last few weeks, and Luke wasn't sure of the best way to do this now. On her back was out of the question now – bad for the baby – and it was pretty obvious that on their sides wasn't going to work.
He ran a hand along her belly. "It seems we have an obstacle this time."
Lorelai's chuckle turned into an embarrassed groan. "Yeah, it's definitely getting in the way now. See? I told you I was getting –"
Luke silenced her with a finger over her lips. "Stop. It's no big deal. Just tell me how you want to do this."
"Probably the best way is from behind," she said.
"Are you sure?"
In response, she rolled over and started shifting pillows to support her stomach and upper body. Luke felt his dick twitch at the sight of her in that position – long legs, perfect ass, glistening sex. And she thinks she's not sexy? He moved behind her, running his hands over her back and down between her legs.
"Oh God, that feels good," Lorelai moaned in response.
He touched her for a few more moments, stroking her thighs and teasing her core before asking, "Ready?"
"God, yes."
He took his erection in hand and guided it to her entrance, slowly pushing into her slick heat. Fuck . She was so tight. So wet. He took his time, moving slowly until he was buried deep. He rested there, letting them both adjust to the sensation. Moving his hands to her hips, he pulled almost all of the way out before slowly pushing into her again. He did this again, then again.
Lorelai turned her head to look at him. "Luke. Please. More."
He gritted his teeth as he began to move a little faster. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. I promise," she assured him.
He kept his thrusts measured, but set a faster rhythm and was rewarded with a low moan from Lorelai. She was clenching around him with each thrust, and he was so hard he could barely stand it. Soon, Lorelai was shifting, reaching back with a hand between her legs. He could feel her fingers on the base of his cock as she touched herself, and he groaned from the additional stimulation.
Lorelai was emitting soft moans with each thrust, tossing in words occasionally. Luke and God and don't stop . Like he would. Like he could. He looked down to watch his cock sliding in and out of her. The sight was so erotic he had to close his eyes. He could feel a tightening in his belly and a tingling in his spine, but he fought back his release because he knew from the sounds she was making that Lorelai was close.
As Luke moved a hand up to stroke along her spine and down over her ass, he could feel her body starting to tense. "Come, Lorelai. Let go. Let it happen." His words seemed to do the trick, and before he knew it, she was coming hard around him, moaning loudly as her orgasm went on. He kept up his thrusts as she rode out the waves, until he couldn't hold back any more. His world had narrowed to the feel of her around him, hot and tight and wet. He opened his eyes so that he could watch, see her beautiful body taking him in again and again. One, two thrusts and he was there, exploding in a rush of heat as he ground out her name.
It took all of the strength he could muster not to collapse on top of her. Lorelai slid down and twisted a little, coming to rest on her side, and Luke did the best he could to help her before toppling next to her. She scooted toward him, the bulge of her belly resting firmly against him as he settled her snugly against his side. They lay there a moment, catching their breath, Luke idly stroking his fingers through Lorelai's hair while she hummed out a sound of contentment. Suddenly, Luke felt a jab in his side.
"What was that?"
Lorelai laughed. "I think we woke someone up."
"That was a kick? Wow." No matter how many times it happened, feeling the baby kick or move never ceased to amaze him. Something occurred to him, and he had to ask, "He's not mad at me, is he?" Luke reached down to caress her belly, getting another kick for his efforts.
"Luke," Lorelai scoffed. "He has no idea what's going on. Don't worry, he'll settle down soon."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
They quieted again, and Luke dropped a soft kiss in her hair. God, he loved this, the moments after. Holding her close, breathing in the scent of her hair, feeling her warm weight against him. He was starting to drift, thinking that he needed to turn off the light when Lorelai moved to sit up.
"Damn it," she grumbled. "Gotta pee."
She reached to put her nightshirt back on, and then padded out of the room. While she was gone, Luke straightened out the bed, gathering her pillows for her. She returned and started to lie down facing him, but Luke stopped her.
"Wait. Face the other way." She gave him a questioning look, but got into bed and arranged her pillows just so. Luke reached up to turn off the light then, pulling the covers with him, situated himself to spoon behind her. He rested his arm across her side and splayed his hand across the swell of her belly.
Reaching up to cover his hand with hers, Lorelai nestled herself into the curve of his body with a sigh. "This is nice."
"Yeah." It was. For the first time in a month, he felt utterly content.
Luke could hear Lorelai's breathing slow and start to even out, and he thought she was asleep when she spoke quietly.
"Luke?"
"Hmmm?"
She squeezed his hand. "Thank you." The words were simple, but Luke could hear the meaning behind them.
Placing a gentle kiss behind her ear, Luke whispered, "Any time."
December 2005
He was an ass.
A jerk. A heel. Who yells at a woman who's eight months pregnant? Who yells at a pregnant woman the week before Christmas? He asked himself silently. An ass, that's who. And you, my friend, are an ass.
He'd stormed out of the house and to the garage, which he'd converted into a small workshop –after getting rid of the atrocious decorating job, that is. Grabbing a sanding block, Luke tried to work out some of his frustration by focusing on his latest project. He was more disgusted with himself for losing his temper than he was actually mad. What the hell had he yelled about, anyway? It didn’t really matter. While it was happening, he knew he was picking a fight for no reason, but he was helpless to stop himself. That's why he'd escaped to his workshop, more to get away from himself than to get away from Lorelai. She didn't deserve to have him take his rotten mood out on her.
Over the last month he had felt himself growing tense, more on edge. It started when Lorelai had dragged him to those stupid childbirth classes. She knew he was uncomfortable, and had joked and teased him throughout the classes, trying to make him more comfortable with the movies and the strange breathing and talk about body parts that he was pretty sure he didn't want to know about. He loved her for it, but it hadn't done much to put him at ease.
For months, he'd understood that Lorelai was going to have a baby. That he and Lorelai were going to be parents. The ultrasound at twenty weeks, when he could see that there really was a tiny little person being carried around under Lorelai’s heart, had made it real. But it was real in an abstract way, if that made any sense. It was the classes, the stupid classes, that had finally driven home the reality to Luke. He was going to become a father. Soon.
The squeak of the door opening startled Luke out of his thoughts, and he rushed to throw a blanket over his workbench.
"Is it safe to enter?" Lorelai asked tentatively, poking her head in the door.
Luke turned to face her, leaning against the workbench and holding up his hands, careful to keep himself between her and his work area. "Yeah. I'm not armed." His voice sounded sheepish to his ears, which was only fitting since he felt sheepish.
"Good." She walked toward him, a steaming mug in one hand and his coat in the other. At least she didn't look angry. In fact, she looked sympathetic. "I brought you some tea and your coat. It's cold out here."
He was touched. Here he was acting like a jackass and she was making him tea. He wished he could kick his own ass. What had he done to deserve her? "Thanks." He cleared his throat, took a sip of the tea. "Look, Lorelai. I'm sorry about –"
She cut him off quickly. "It's okay."
"No, it's not. I shouldn't have yelled."
"Luke, a little yelling doesn't bother me. I don't care about that. I just want you to tell me what's wrong." Lorelai was watching him closely, a worried expression on her face.
"Huh?"
"You are not this upset because I used the last of the milk without replacing it. You've been acting weird for a while now, and I thought it would pass. But it hasn't, so I'm asking. What's wrong?"
Leave it to Lorelai to just lay it all out there. How did he tell her? How did he explain that today had been the final straw? They'd graduated from childbirth classes to how-to-take-care-of-a-newborn classes. As he struggled to put a tiny diaper on a tiny doll, he realized how utterly unprepared for all of this he was.
He was terrified. Plain and simple.
He turned away, picking up a screwdriver just to have something to do with his hands. "Lorelai, I don't know –"
She cut him off. "Yes. You do know. Now talk to me. I've tried to be patient and let you work it out, because that's how you are. You need time and space to work through things in your head. But obviously, you're not working it out. Don't make me beat it out of you. Because I will."
The thought of Lorelai, pregnant belly and all, beating anyone up was enough to get a chuckle out of him, and he relaxed a little. Tossing the screwdriver on the table, Luke walked over to sit on the bench near the side wall. He leaned forward, idly playing with his wedding ring and trying to figure out what to say as Lorelai sat down beside him. She pressed a hand between his shoulder blades, rubbing small soothing circles.
"I'm assuming it has something to do with the baby. Unless you've suddenly come to your senses and realized you don't want to be married to the crazy lady."
Luke gave her a stern look. "Don't say that. Of course I want to be married to you."
"Then, baby?"
"How did you know?" He wasn't sure why he was surprised. Lorelai had an uncanny knack for figuring out what he was thinking, sometimes before he knew himself.
"Well, it's not like I have any experience going through this whole pregnancy thing with a partner. But, from what I hear, most men tend to have some worries when faced with becoming a parent. Most women have some worries when faced with becoming a parent. Especially for the first time. Hell, I could probably write a book about it."
"That's different. You were sixteen."
"Maybe a little different, because of the circumstances, but I'm sure some of the thoughts are the same." Her voice was soft and reassuring. "It's okay to admit it if you're scared."
"Scared? Terrified is more like it. I just...Jesus, Lorelai!" He let out a frustrated breath. "I have no idea how to be a father! I've never been around a baby in my life, except for Jess when he was little and even then I didn't get too close. And speaking of Jess, my track record in the whole parenting thing is not exactly stellar. He couldn't get away from me fast enough."
"Stop. Right there." Her hand resumed the slow circles on his back, but her voice was firm and she had a 'don’t argue with me' expression on her face. "It's okay to be nervous and it's okay to be scared. But it's not okay for you to think that way. You're going to be a great father."
She sounded so sure, but he just couldn't bring himself to believe her. "How can you say that? I have no idea what I'm doing."
"No one does at first. You learn as you go and pray really hard you're not screwing up. Jess came to you pretty much finished and you still managed to be a hugely positive influence in his life. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you're going to be great at this."
He started to protest, wanting to believe her but unable to overcome his self-doubt, when she cut him off with a hand over his lips.
"Let me ask you a question. Are you going to love this baby?"
The answer to that was simple. "I already do."
"Luke, that's all any of us have when we start out. That's what makes you a good parent. The fact that you're worried about being a good dad is a sign that you'll be a good dad. All the other stuff? You'll figure it out." Lorelai gave him a soft smile, wrapping her arm around his back and squeezing. "We'll figure it out. Together. Remember way back when we found out I was pregnant? You did a really good job reminding me that I'm not alone in this. Well, neither are you."
"But –"
"No buts. Just trust me, okay?"
Knowing he could do little else, he nodded. "Okay."
She pulled him more fully into a hug. Well, a reasonable facsimile of a hug – in this position he could only get so close with the baby between them. Lorelai laughed when the baby kicked hard enough for Luke to feel it. "See? Even Junior agrees." She pulled back and looked over his shoulder. "Hey, what's that?"
Luke turned as Lorelai stood and walked toward his work area. She'd obviously spotted the blanket covered mound. "Lorelai, don't –" he started, reaching for her, but it was too late. She pulled the blanket off to reveal what he'd been working on.
With a shaky hand, she traced her fingers over the wood, then brought her eyes to his. "You made a cradle?"
Luke felt his ears heat and hoped she wouldn't see the blush on his cheeks. He wasn't quite sure what had made him decide to build the cradle. One day he was working on his dad's boat when he spotted the chuppah through the garage window. Having made the chuppah for Lorelai, it only seemed fitting to make a cradle for their baby. Besides, making something for his son made him feel closer to his dad, somehow. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he said, "Well, yeah. It was supposed to be your Christmas present, but you kind of ruined the surprise."
"I didn't ruin anything. This is perfect." Her tone was almost reverent, and Luke could see that her eyes were wet.
He shrugged, wishing it had been finished the first time she saw it. "It still needs to be painted."
Luke watched her as she took in the carvings, running her hands over the fine details in the wood. "It's beautiful," she said, turning to him with so much love in her eyes that his breath caught in his throat.
"It's no big deal."
Lorelai reached up to hold his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. "Yes. It is. And the fact that you would make your son a cradle and think it's not a big deal is exactly why you're going to make an amazing father."
January 2006
Luke had always hated hospitals, but after today's events, he decided they might not be so bad after all.
Around him, the hospital was quiet as the staff went through their middle of the night rituals. He was sitting in Lorelai's room, watching her sleep in the dim light from the lamp the nurse insisted stay on. It irritated him – Lorelai needed her rest and how well could she sleep with the light on? Glancing at his watch, he was surprised to find that it was three a.m. After being awake for the better part of twenty-four hours, he should have been exhausted, but was too keyed up to even think of sleeping.
After all, it wasn't every day a man became a father.
William Gilmore Danes, all seven pounds of him, had come screaming into the world at four o'clock that afternoon. Wrinkled and red, with a slightly squished head, Will was the most beautiful thing Luke had ever seen. Next to Will's mother, of course.
Lorelai had woken Luke around five in the morning, telling him that she was having contractions and they were pretty steady. It was a week before her due date, and Luke was not ready to hear those words. Although, to be honest, there probably was no such thing as being truly ready in this situation. Still, he had immediately gone into panic mode and rushed them to the hospital, only to find that there was an awful lot of waiting – and worrying and pacing – involved in the whole process of having a baby.
Rory had come and, once assured she would be seeing no body parts or body fluids, had sat with them while they waited. Luke was grateful. Rory's presence had done wonders to stop him from panicking over what was to come, and to keep Lorelai entertained. Luke wasn't quite sure how they were calm enough to play Mad Libs while Lorelai was in labor, but the two of them had managed to repeatedly crack themselves up. He just shook his head and took a walk when they broke out the Hello Kitty fashion plates.
The actual delivery was a blur in Luke's mind. He remembers holding Lorelai's hand while she pushed, trying to encourage her but so unsure of the right thing to say. He didn't even really have time to get grossed out by the whole process, because before he knew it the baby was there and Lorelai was laughing and crying and Luke could only stare at this perfect little person they had created, and the perfect woman responsible for bringing him safely into the world.
The afternoon and evening brought a pretty steady stream of visitors. Rory of course, anxious to meet her little brother. Will was so tiny she'd been scared to hold him, afraid she might hurt him. Luke was secretly glad he wasn't the only one. Liz and TJ, Sookie and Jackson. Even Emily and Richard had come to meet their newest grandchild. It was pretty clear that Lorelai and her parents might never get back to the somewhat congenial relationship they'd developed in the last few years, but it had been agreed that nothing would be served by keeping the Gilmores away. Luke wasn't sure they would ever accept him, and honestly, he didn't care. He wasn't exactly their biggest fan. But as Emily held her grandson with Richard looking on, he knew that they would at the very least love their grandson.
Luke was lost in thought when the door opened quietly. He turned his head to see one of the night nurses poking her head in.
"Mr. Danes? I was just checking to see if Mrs. Danes was awake. Julie is going to be bringing the baby down to eat in a few minutes."
"I'll wake her," he said as he rose from the recliner and moved to Lorelai's bed. He sat down on the edge of the mattress, watching her sleep for a few more moments, hating to wake her until it was absolutely necessary.
"Lorelai," he called softly, gently stroking her face.
"Uh uh."
"Lorelai, you need to wake up."
"No."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"The nurse is on her way with the baby."
At that she opened an eye. "Why didn't you say so?"
Luke just rolled his eyes and helped her adjust her pillows so that she could bring the bed to a sitting position. Lorelai grimaced as she shifted, then groaned as the bed started moving.
"Are you okay?" His tone was anxious. The stress of the day and lack of sleep were combining to make him overly worried.
She snorted. "As well as can be expected after pushing something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of a golf ball."
Luke blanched at the image. "Jeez, Lorelai."
"Sorry. I'm fine. Just sore. Very sore." She sighed as the bed stopped moving. "I hurt in places I didn't even know existed. I think my good friend the epidural is finally all the way gone."
Luke had always admired Lorelai's strength, but watching her endure labor had given him a whole new appreciation for just how strong she was. It killed him to see her in that kind of pain and know he could do nothing other than let her crush his fingers. After what seemed like days – but in reality was only a few short hours – the anesthesiologist had finally arrived and given her an epidural. Lorelai had been so grateful for the pain relief that she'd kissed the poor man right on the mouth. Luke had to admit (not that he would ever do so out loud) that he’d been tempted to kiss the man himself.
The swish of the rolling bassinet alerted them to the nurse's arrival. She wasn't even all the way in the door when Lorelai said, "Before you ask – I've peed. It works. No problems."
Luke cringed. The nurses sure seemed to be fascinated with Lorelai's bodily functions. He knew it had to do with making sure she was recovering properly, but it was still gross.
The nurse, Julie, just laughed as she stopped the bassinet and handed Lorelai her nursing pillow Booby? Boopy? Luke could never remember what the stupid thing was called. "What about your pain level? On a scale of one to ten?"
"Seven. Definitely a seven. I would have scored her higher if she hadn't stepped out on the dismount." Responding to the nurse's blank look, Lorelai continued, "Olympics? Gymnastics?" Nothing. "Never mind, just hand him over." Lorelai positively beamed as Julie handed her the baby, smiling into Will’s eyes and nuzzling his nose before turning her attention back to the nurse. "Seriously, I'm hoping that you're going to tell me I can take something stronger than Advil. If not, I'd run if I were you. And once we get the baby settled, I need more water."
Luke had to smile. Even after labor and delivery, Lorelai was still Lorelai. After she'd taken her pill, he picked up her water jug from the table. "I'll go get your water."
When Luke returned from the little family kitchenette with fresh water, the nurse was gone and Lorelai had the baby up on her shoulder, cooing to him and encouraging him to burp. He was unwrapped from his swaddle, wearing only a tiny t-shirt, diaper, and one of those silly hats that seemed to be the uniform of the day in the nursery.
"Isn't he cold?" Luke asked from where he'd stopped on the other side of Lorelai's bedside table.
"He's fine," Lorelai responded softly, bringing the baby down to her breast. "You're supposed to have as much skin to skin contact as possible in the first couple of days. Damn! This kid has a mouth like a Hoover."
Luke had started to move closer, then stopped at her exclamation, unsure. "Does it hurt?"
"Nah. Just uncomfortable when he first latches on. Hey, how come you're all the way over there?" She patted the bed next to her, on the opposite side from the baby, and Luke tentatively sat. "Is this grossing you out? I remember a certain rant-slash-freak-out over lactation in the diner."
"It's definitely weird, I guess. But after some of the things I've seen today, this is nothing."
Lorelai laughed. "You did great today, by the way. I kept expecting you to pass out, but you were a real trooper. I know how much you hate hospitals."
"Ah, they're not so bad."
The pair fell silent, the baby's quiet sucking the only sound in the room. It was so peaceful, and Luke couldn't help but be moved by the sight before him. His wife and his child. He'd felt so much in the past few months, getting engaged and married. But nothing compared to this, right now. He'd never known joy like this existed.
Lorelai smiled down at the baby and stroked his head before reaching down to rest a hand on Luke's leg. "He is just so amazing." She looked up at Luke with shining eyes. "How did we make someone who is so perfect?"
"He is amazing. You're both amazing," Luke said around the lump in his throat. He reached out and stroked a finger down the side of Will's cheek. Overcome with emotion and embarrassed to feel his eyes fill, he ducked his head so Lorelai wouldn't see. He should have known better.
"Hey." She cupped his cheek and ducked her head a bit to meet his eyes. "What's this?"
"Nothing."
"Luke," she coaxed. "Talk to me."
He swallowed and tried to find his voice, watching as he rested his big hand on Will's small head. For so long he'd thought he'd spend his life alone, and then once he and Lorelai had found their way to each other, he'd almost let it slip away. "I just...never thought I'd have this. You...a baby...a family." Pausing to take a shaky breath, he met Lorelai's eyes again. "Thank you."
"Oh, Luke." Lorelai used the hand on his cheek to bring his lips to hers before pulling his head down to rest on her shoulder. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, trying to gain some control over his emotions before he started blubbering like a little girl, while Lorelai held him to her, stroking his hair and resting her cheek on the top of his head. He wasn't sure how long they stayed long that, but the tender moment was interrupted when Will detached from Lorelai with a loud pop and a smack of his lips. Luke lifted his head and looked at Lorelai before they both burst out laughing.
"Little man, we are going to have to work on those table manners," Lorelai pretended to scold as she lifted the baby to her shoulder and patted his back. Luke noticed that her eyes had grown heavy and Lorelai yawned so widely he could hear her jaw crack.
"Wow, it's like someone flipped a switch. I can barely keep my eyes open," she said as she leaned her head back against the bed. "Can you take Will until the nurse comes back? I can't keep myself awake."
Luke had to stop himself from jamming his hands into his pockets. "Um...sure." His voice was anything but certain. He'd held Will earlier, but only for a few minutes right after he was born, and Lorelai had been right there. "What do I do with him?"
Lorelai gave Luke a sleepy smile as she handed Will over. "Here. Rest him against your shoulder, and support his head." She moved the bed back so she could lay down. "Just hold him. Talk to him."
Luke moved to the chair and as he sat down, heard a soft snore from the bed. He looked over to see Lorelai already asleep. He awkwardly patted Will's back a few times, imitating what Lorelai had done, before moving the baby down to rest in the crook of his arm. Much better. Luke felt much less awkward in this position, and besides, he wanted to be able to see his face. Will was awake, big blue eyes wide open and looking at Luke as if he could see right through him. Checking first to make sure Lorelai was still asleep, Luke leaned over to brush a soft kiss on Will's forehead, then traced his tiny features with the tip of his finger. As he ran his finger down the slope of his little nose, Will reached up and grabbed the finger reflexively. Luke marveled at the contrast of the tiny fist wrapped around his finger.
"Hey, Will." He felt a little silly at first, but Will seemed to be listening intently as he spoke, holding Luke's finger so tightly. "Happy birthday." Luke looked back over at Lorelai, then at the baby in his arms. He settled a little deeper in the chair, stroking Will's tiny hand with his thumb as he continued. "I'm your Dad. You and I have so many things to talk about..."
the end
The requests:
From spy_barbie:
Must have: Luke dealing with the idea of Lorelai pregancy. flirty!Lorelai
Could have: Rory/Logan
Shouldn't have: Sookie
From xenrielle:
Must have: Lorelai accually being pregnant
Could have: Sex
Shouldn't have: Logan
relieved
There are 8 comments on this entry.